It's official

Phoenix has a new record! 2007 rings in the hottest summer in history! To celebrate this wonderful occasion I present to you my backyard. This poor thing has endured over 30 days of 110 degrees. Note the u-shaped palm tree.

All clay pots are empty or holding a dead/semi dead plant.

Here is how my backyard is supposed to look, green and lovely.


For good measure, another picture of Fatness.

Creep @ Coldstone

Saturday Tim and I were at Coldstone. I had just finished ordering my small cone Founders Favorite when I walked away to step outside while Tim ordered his large waffle cone Founders Favorite.



I was minding my own business when a shortish, stocky, hairless, 30ish man in ball cap approached me, this is the conversation:

man: "Is momma having a small taste of ice cream today?"

me: nervous tittering "uh huh"

man: "Does that taste good?"

me: confused about the momma comment "ya, it's pretty good"

man: "How would momma like something bigger to play with this weekend?"

me: completely flustered, I walked quickly away.

I walked outside and went over the conversation in my head "was this strange man actually making a lewd pass at me?" "Yes I believe he was." Then my hands started shaking. I told Tim but he only watched him and didn't say anything, he was way into his Founders Favorite waffle dish and couldn't be bothered with a man that just molested his wife with words.

What would have been a great response for this effing ick-fest person?

ALLI & ME

Presenting Allison my BFF. In honor of her much anticipated blog "Silence Of The Clams" I thought I would share a few memories.

Here she is her senior year of high school. Devastatingly beautiful and talented. She could sing, dance, write music, play music, do the splits and create mayhem with me. Oh how jealous I was of her and her thick mane of hair.



She is the one sitting on the bar showing off her ski bunny tan. Did I mention she skied too, and she was good. That's Mark she is sitting next to, MY MAJOR CRUSH. I'm the one in the bad choice of slacks fending off the touch-feely Marty W.



That's her on the left in her signature pose, she slayed the boys with it.



This is us caught in some dangerous reeds on the shores of the Amazon River. Not really, we are at a park in Mesa playing with her new camera and the auto-picture feature.



We were wicked hot. 1986 baby, stacked hair, big jewelry, "Flashdance" tank top, relief society was so far from our minds.



Here we are in our Mervyns sweater sets and a couple of kids later. Did I mention in high school we liked to make up mean lyrics about our enemies and then sing them to the boys? We were so beyond cool.



Here she is at her Parrish with Father Redford. I like how she is accessorizing even in her robes.



Just another Family Home Evening with friends.



Erica and Ashley our gorgeous daughters. Did I mention Allison and I frequently peed our pants from laughing at our own awesome humor?



Here is our most recent picture. I went on a cruise with Allison and her fabulous sister Kristin and family. We are dressed for dinner, don't we look killer? The sweet girl is Alli's niece.


Allison,
You have been there with me through good and bad. You are a constant in my life and a very good person. You love me with all my faults and forgive me when I make an ass of myself. My teen years were funny and full because of you. You have been with me from training bra to now. Thanks dear sweet friend.

Like and not like.

I really like my newly purchased wood cubes. They are hanging in my office filled with my vintage storybooks and dolls.

Here is another view just because I love them so much.


I really don't like how Tim mixes his morning cereals. I present to you a bowl of Captain Crunch and Honey Nut Cheerios.


I really like how my nephews follow my bidding. I asked them to don these sombreros, which they did, willingly.


I do not like when Tim relieves himself in any other place than a place designated as a restroom.


I do not like that Tim carries a hankie with him at all times. Said hankie is used all day, blown into and stuffed back into pocket, gag. Shouldn't handkerchiefs be extinct by now, behind a glass case in the Smithsonian?


I really like these two pictures.

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY ERICA

Here she is at her very 1st birthday with cousin Chad and Aunt Carole



ADORABLE.
She's probably laughing at one of her witty remarks.


Her first trip to Disneyland, she cried on her Daddy's shoulder when we had to leave the park.


She is about age 5. I loved her in this outfit.


....a few more for good measure



Dear Erica,
It's incredibly hard to put into words the love a mother has for her daughter, especially a daughter like you. You are the type of daughter that a mother dreams about. You possess amazing abilities and you take none of them for granted. You are funny, beautiful, smart and artistic, more importantly, you are unselfish and empathetic. You love your friends and family and we all like the feel of your glow when it is on us.

I love you my sweet angel girl,
Mom

Tired of Fatness pic's yet? No? Good.

These are the pictures I submitted today to stuffonmycat.com. Fatness has been on their clever website 5 times, we are going for a 6th. I have a mild obsession with trying to get his picture posted. I happen to own an odd cat that will stay still while I balance obscure objects on his head or body. It's amazing.

Fatness is about half of his normal self, he received his Lion Cut this week.

Sisters aren't necessities. They're luxuries.

In honor of my younger, smarter, more clever sister, I present a few photos from our early years.


I already knew she would end up valedictorian of her class, look at her intensity as she studies her dandelion, she was already brilliant. I was more worried about how crooked my mother had cut my bangs.


Why are we all wearing our Sunday best as we crawl around Indian ruins? We were just that kind of high class. A faux fur collar is never wrong.


I wasn't happy that my grandma had chosen Chris to stand near her, between that and my mom's 3 foot beehive and soccer inspired stripe jacket, I was doing my best to remain calm.



Chris wanted to hold the real cat so I handed her a stuffed cat and told her to deal with it.


Chris commanded all of us to stand on this hill. She taunted me with her bruising remarks about my highwater pants and made Jeri cry when she pointed out her bad choice of sandal.


Chris is seen here holding one of our more gifted cats, Chris taught this cat how to meow show tunes and knit triple combination covers.


Here we all are squinting into the morning sun in front of one of our favorite posh hotels, the Travel Lodge. Chris carried this evil bear everywhere, she said it spoke to her and told her to laugh at my western shirts and ask me why my hair looked like rain gutters.


So there you are, a glance into the life of one gifted child, Christine Kay Hunsaker Spiro.

Let Them Eat Iams

Fatness has had enough! He has read the blogs he has seen the terse comments and he is duly pissed.

I held his sweet head in my lap while he wept, I tried to console him with his favorite tuna water and deep fur brushing, but to no avail.

He asked me to print these words on 3x5 index cards to those who despise him.




I finally settled him down with his Pokemon crown.


He will wait patiently for the forthcoming apologies and gifts.

The Early Years, Part 1

Here I am at 4 years old sitting in my grandma's lap wearing my snappy red jumper with red ribbon sleeve trim. My bro Scott was trying to upstage me with his famous growl smile. My big sis Jeri, was also trying to upstage me with her fancy hair impression of one of the Supremes.


Already at 5 I had mastered the "oh really you are taking my picture, I had no idea" look. What a smart cap and pea coat set I'm wearing. Don't question why I'm wearing a mini in 30 below weather.


This is the famous neighbor's house were I bartered for things I wanted with pulling down my pants. I found making mud pies while wearing sponge rollers to be fun.


People notice the effort here. I was trying to bring sexy back in 1st grade. I was so ahead of the pack, look at those red tights combined with my Picasso printed smock AND holding my cat. I could have been Warhol's muse.


I know, I know it's too much. Look at that crisp checked dress combined with my Mary Jane shoes while properly holding a croquet racket. Now look at my dumb ass brother swinging his like a baseball bat, can you see the comtempt in my eyes?


My mother created this costume using a Butterick Pattern, some hanger wire and a lot of cursing, you can barely make out my wings at the sides. Ok, I know scuffed penny loafers don't work here, just shut it. Focus on that blonde flip angled perfectly at shoulder length, all conquered at 8 years old.


Yes, this was my Jan Brady look. I did it with a hard right part, a snap barrette and a lot of 12 year old moxie. My cousins only wish they could pull of those knee socks, losers.