Creep @ Coldstone

Saturday Tim and I were at Coldstone. I had just finished ordering my small cone Founders Favorite when I walked away to step outside while Tim ordered his large waffle cone Founders Favorite.


I was minding my own business when a shortish, stocky, hairless, 30ish man in ball cap approached me, this is the conversation:

man: "Is momma having a small taste of ice cream today?"

me: nervous tittering "uh huh"

man: "Does that taste good?"

me: confused about the momma comment "ya, it's pretty good"

man: "How would momma like something bigger to play with this weekend?"

me: completely flustered, I walked quickly away.

I walked outside and went over the conversation in my head "was this strange man actually making a lewd pass at me?" "Yes I believe he was." Then my hands started shaking. I told Tim but he only watched him and didn't say anything, he was way into his Founders Favorite waffle dish and couldn't be bothered with a man that just molested his wife with words.

What would have been a great response for this effing ick-fest person?


Erica said...

LOL My favorite part of this story is that Tim was too preoccupied with his Coldstone to really be bothered. Which doesn't surprise me.


PA-lurker said...

My favorite part was "nervous tittering." I think society has really lost the art of tittering. Thank you Michelle for keeping it alive.

Good hindsight response:
"Sounds like your momma didn't give you much loving."
"Ever been arrested at Coldstone?"
"My husband is a cop and will beat the shit out of you, loser."

Any would work.

Michelle said...

MIKE POSTED! Hello dear friend, all of your ideas were great.

The place could of been robbed and Tim would have happily eaten his ice cream and stepped out of their way.

Allicat said...

That is SOOOOO creepy. I've been on the receiving end of those kind of comments before and they are just paralyzing... the shock that someone is actually making them! It's very unnerving....


"How would hairless creepy guy like a kick in the balls?"

"You're a creepy little fellow. Now shoo."

"Sorry, momma only plays with big boys."

"I'm a lesbian. Shove off."

Pointing your finger at him and yelling "freak! freak!"

Or how about simply opening your mouth and ululating at the top of your lungs? : )

Allicat said...

Another idea would be to burst out laughing and say, "oh, PLEEEASE.... you have GOT to be kidding...."

BTW, are you practicing your snappy comebacks for that other creep?

Michelle said...

I like the laughing one.

It is paralyzing! The sad thing was his daughter who looked to be around 9 or 10 was near by. I assume she was his daugther...I forgot that part in my story.

call me said...

LOL LOL LOL, I'm sorry Michelle I am sitting at my desk cackling right now.

Solution, don't go outside alone.

Anonymous said...

I think I would have dragged Tim's clueless ice cream-coma ass outside, pulled the concealed pistol out of his belt/sock/hidden pocket and held it to that scumbucket's forehead and said "Who's your momma now?? Huh??"

Sorry if that was a little aggressive, but jeez, Michelle that guy was creepy as hell....and I am equally alarmed at Tim's lack of reaction!!


Michelle said...

Malia, you are heartless to not understand the trauma I experienced.

Michelle said...

Tim is used to a lot worse and it didn't phase him one iota (yes I just used iota).

The man saw me with Tim, I have no idea what ickfest was thinking, probably that I would say "Why YES, please, YES, take me to your lair."

Anonymous said...

I KNOW, I mean, do these creepazoids actually believe a woman will really take them up on their offer??? Sick-0 LOOZER.


Ashley said...

That is so repulsive. I can't believe there are actually freaks out there like that.
How about:

"Oh definitely. Wait... you mean... with you??... nevermind."