It's Caturday

Happy Caturday everyone!

Please enjoy this purrrfect video, make sure you watch to the end. It cracked me up.

Worst Job Ever

I had a job at the Holbrook Hospital the end of my senior high school year and through the summer. I still don't know 1. why I kept the job and 2. how I survived working with an old grumpy senile woman named Gladys who was my boss.

The job essentially was me standing at a rickety copy machine, copying hundreds, nay, thousands of bills that were not being paid every month. This was 1979 and there were no computers and apparently no brain cells working at this hospital. Every morning I woke up like I was going to my death sentence, no actually death I would have welcomed, it was worse than having bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails. Imagine an old crotchety windbag watching everything you do and never telling you it is done right. She had white hair, a nose with pores the size of a walnut with springy black hairs sprouting out of each one. She wore thick eye glasses and squinted up at me all day long as she questioned my work. I wanted her dead.

I would gather the million files, drag them to the copy machine, copy the bill that would never get paid, fold them into little envelopes and mail them out. An effing monkey could have done the work, but according to Gladys you would think I was handling delicate top-secret monumentally important documents. They were barely legible copies to begin with and mostly 10 years old, belonging to Indians on the reservation that probably used the bill for fire kindling. They never got paid.

The only thing I looked forward to was my boyfriend picking me up for lunch. I would watch every single minute tick by and then run out front to wait for him, I would almost cry when my hour was over. He called her Glad-bag and thought my torture was terribly funny.

What was your worst job?

Gorilla

The picture below will be published in the AZ Republic Sunday travel section on September 7th! I received an email from the editor telling me they had selected my pic. It's cool, because they publish a large print of it with my story. I told them that when I took the pic I thought it was ruined because the reflection of the little girl was blocking the gorilla, but when I looked closer I realized they were looking at each other.

Epic

There is nothing that excites me more than the annual issue of Entertainment Weekly's fall movie preview. There is one movie in particular that I have been anticipating, "Australia" starring Nicole Kidman and the strapping Hugh Jackman. You see, I am a sucka for sweeping epics. It all began when I saw "Gone With The Wind" when I was 16. The first time I watched Scarlett sweeping across the screen in those ball gowns, trying to hate Rhett and love wimpy Ashley Wilkes, I was done. Some movies TRY to be sweeping epics (Pearl Harbor, Troy) but fail, the ones that do it well (Gladiator, Doctor Zhivago, Titanic, Out of Africa) will make you weep.



I know the "Thorn Birds" was a miniseries but to me it was an epic. Watching Meggie and Father Ralph fall in love and then try to fight that illicit love through the years, finally giving into one wonderful weekend and Meggie becoming pregnant....it was my meth. Listen people is there anything better than these period movies? No, there is not.

I hope Baz Luhrmann's "Australia" doesn't let me down.

Party Highlights

Erica embarrassed us all when she loudly demanded a glittery sombrero and patriotic ukulele.


This is where we sang happy birthday for the 2nd time, she wanted a 3rd but I put I stop to it.


Texas sheet cake might have been shoved into this open mouth to end the crying jag.


Texas sheet cake could end wars and bring world peace.



Her favorite Aunt Chris, made the Texas sheet cake and gave her the Hello Kitty birthday sticker, what more is needed for a birthday party?

Erica started it

As my sister Chris said, "these will always be funny."

I spent the better part of my day downloading and laughing to myself.

It's Someone's Birthday!

Erica is 24 today.
These are a few reasons why I love her so much:

She concisely put things into perspective.

She always is put together.

That she has every word memorized from every song in “Little Mermaid” and needs little urging to sing them.

She loves cats.



How she pulls a horrified face looking down at the weight scales that read 106.

She can make me laugh in 3 words or less.



She is addicted to pop culture as much as I am.

The simple way she turns everything classy.

Her deep devotion for Daniel Craig and Clive Owen.

How she cares for Zach.

How her weight loss diet consists of 2 Diet Cokes, 1 miniature Snicker bar and 2 cups of air.

Her empathy. Her thoughtfulness. Her grace. Her warmth.

How she must have her Diet Coke prepared with the “good ice” and sliced lime wedges, and has trained me to make them just so.




How she agrees with me when I tell her “you know your first child will be mine.”

How competitive she is during games.

Her self assurance.

How she loves a good theme party.

How easy it was for her to excel in school and graduate from college with honors.

I love you dear sweet daughter, and am still amazed as I watch you navigate through life without a misstep. Happy Birthday Erica, thank you for enlightening my life for 24 years.

Mom.

Enough

I know Bob Costas is an Olympic icon, but could someone please pull him aside and mention to him that dyeing his entire head dark brown while leaving his sideburns gray isn't a good look? Enough.



Enough of the gross Chinese food, mainly the ever popular scorpion-on-a-stick. Every G.D. reporter on TV has brought this to our attention. They pick it up pull a face then gingerly take a bite, pull another horrific face then exclaim "scorpion on a stick!." WE GET IT, it's disgusting. Luckily we got to see Bob Costas holding one too, maybe someone should give one to M. Phelps after one of his races. Hilarious.



Enough of China pretending all their gymnasts are 16 or older. Look at some of these girls, not even a pre training bra would be necessary. I think the one of the end just learned how to color inside the lines.



There has not been enough panda stories. I have seen one, it was done by a middle aged reporter apathetically going through her reporter motions. She was very bored about the entire segment, the shot of her holding one? She might as well have held a sack of onions. Here is how the interview went: (standing next to pen of baby pandas)

Panda Keeper: We have the most successful births of pandas in the world.
Reporter: Umm do they eat anything weird?
PK: No, mainly bamboo is their entire diet.
R: (bored) Oh, well do they eat scorpion on a stick?
PK: No (confused).
R: Do they eat fish heads with eyes, marinating in cow urine?
PK: Ummm no, but would you like to hold one?
R: Might as well since I'm here. (he places a panda in her arms) kinda heavy aren't they?
End segment.

Thank God the cuddly panda only got a few seconds air time so we could get back to gross Chinese food and her pulling a face as she sampled Sheep Head on a stick.

Tim on TV

Last night Timothy was featured as the lead story on our local ABC news. He was very good on camera and used big words.


The reporter, did a segment on his crime suppression programs in Maryvale, which before Tim arrived had the worst crime in the state of Arizona. But since he and his officers are kicking ass and taking names, the crime is going down.



The reporter was very cute.


Camera guy.


If you want to see Tim on TV click on this link and go to the top right hand corner and click on the arrow.

Fatness Without Borders

I explained to Fatness in my most pleasant cat voice "you are overdue for your glamour shots." He turned on his paw and gave me his back, "he didn't feel up to it."



I explained that I would set up his favorite fan and we could try some blowing fur shots. He slowly agreed, only after I promised 2 hours of the PBS Special "Sarah Brightman in Vienna" for his solitary viewing. I also had to promise to no unflattering belly poses.



I requested he stand up, he requested Tim leave his shot.



He told me to lose the Lil Wayne CD and give him some sweet Rihanna.



He loves him some Rihanna.



"Take A Bow" is his favorite.



He said he was done and ready for his favorite treat of peanuts and tuna pieces.



I asked for one last pose, he said to "shut it" and get his video cued up.

Beauty~Rest

I own a new mattress. We had been sleeping on basically a wobbly piece of thick bologna with a few wire springs. I was waking to a sore back every morning and waking during the night, believing I was inside a moon crater. I would sleepily climb my way out, clinging to the sides of the so-called mattress and hang on till morning. Tim weighing in at 190 never noticed this phenomenon, he just slept in the crater. Why can men sleep well under any circumstances? I could prepare him a bed of thumbtacks and scorpions and he would sleep a solid 9 hours.

I informed Timothy “now that we have a proper mattress, I will need entirely new sheets and bedspread” and he agreed because he should. Tim picked out the bedspread and pillows. I was leaning towards a ghastly burgundy cottony tent-material comforter, when he pointed me towards this lovely set. Sometimes I’m not very good at decorating. Good thing we have a comforter worthy of an Alaskan winter, because it’s freezing in Phoenix. I give you my new bedding and mattress.



Please ignore the green wall, it will soon be painted a soft buttery beige.

Twilight etc.

I have resisted reading it because A. it's young adult and B. it seemed like mashed potatoes (a lot of filler). I finished the book yesterday. It was a good story but I don't understand all the hoopla, I wish Meyer would have written an adult novel, I think it could have been so much more. I suppose we all want an "Edward" in our life, a protector and a man that doesn't sleep, can order a meal but never eats, open our door and watch us while we sleep, never asking for sex. I do believe Meyer created the perfect man.




I saw this last night. My first thought was "how in hell am I going to be able to watch Meryl Streep singing in overalls and hair extensions for 2 hours," and then it did start to improve. Her friends showed up and a lot of cute guys. The film actually caught me by surprise, it was quite heartwarming. In fact in one scene M. Streep is helping her daughter dress for her wedding and she is painting her toenails and combing her hair, all the while singing about watching her walk to school and wondering why they didn't do all the things she had promised they would. I was an effing MESS, sobbing in my seat. Yes, of course I was thinking of Erica.





This is my new purchase. I love this area rug.