9.17.2008

"You need new underwear"

Last weekend Tim and I were strolling through Target when I stopped near an underwear rack and picked up a lacy pair, “you need new underwear” is what I heard from over my shoulder. I mentally took an underwear drawer inventory and came up with: faded-faded-holes-stretched- holes-saggy crotch- holes-faded, “I guess I do.”

I picked up a pair of low cut boyish brand with polka dots “those are cute” Tim said, “cute and itchy and unwearable” I mumbled. I quickly walked past the stripper style, the itchy lace style, and the thongs. I was looking for something with the words cotton, stretch or brief in the title. I finally found them at the very back of the underwear section with a sign above them that read “don’t fool yourself with the cute sweet stuff, you belong here among the friendly latex.” As I was perusing the myriad types of low cut and high cut briefs I began pondering Tim’s comment. I couldn’t remember how old my current underwear were but I placed them somewhere around a 2001 purchase. Each pair was old, faded, hideous and wonderfully comfortable. When did I stop caring whether or not my underwear was cute and new? Hmmm.

Then the image of my grandfather leafing slowly through the Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra section of the annual Sears and Roebuck catalog floated through my mind. I was around the age of 7 and wondered why grandpa was looking at bras? I suppose no male ever stops craving pretty underwear. I turned back to the task at hand, I was leaning towards the Hanes high cut briefs in sherbet colors or the mid-low cut in pastel stripes, both sensibly comfortable. I wondered why these types of underwear were rolled into tight bundles and shoved into plastic sleeves, not displayed prettily like the ones Tim was admiring. Humph. I settled on both and threw them in the cart. I met up with Tim at the string and postage-stamp-crotch area and told him I was done. He picked up my choice of high cut cotton spandex briefs folded into eggrolls, gave them a quick dissatisfied look and threw them into the cart. I said “well these should do me for 7 more years.”

8 comments:

Sissy said...

LOLOLOL. I concur with this whole post. The uncomfortable, up-the-butt, lacy, scratchy, ones are for them. The rest are for us. And they only see them about .001% of the time. Anyone can do the math with that situation.

I do not want to think about our grandfather looking at bra pictures. Does. Not. Compute.

allicat said...

Those lacy things are meant only to be worn long enough to be removed by your salivating man. Buy some and then slip into the bathroom and change into them just before you're about to undress in front of him. Make him think you've been wearing them all day :)

I love comfy underwear.... I buy mine in those rolled up packages as well. Though if I had a butt like yours, I might be tempted to wear cute lacy underwear now and again....

And, by the way, I'm glad to see Fatness is an Obama supporter. Good cat.

call me said...

LOL, if I could repeat my favorite line,

“don’t fool yourself with the cute sweet stuff, you belong here among the friendly latex.”

Although I can't relate, Erica and I would faithfully buy our Pink Victoria's Secret brand thongs in cotton almost quarterly. The amount of thongs that we both had at hand could stretch the globe to China.

EEK said...

I got some new bras recently. Ross' first comment was "That is a BIG bra!" OK, so first of all i'm old and these two girls need a lot of lift. Secondly, I realized, during a recent Relief Society lesson, that the nippled-look is really creepy on women over fifty.

Ashley Rae said...

LOL- definitely. Sexy underwear is only worn for one reason. There's nothing better than a nice, comfortable pair of undies.

PA-lurker said...

What a glorious window into the mind of Michelle. If you were a gay man, you would buy underwear regularly because we all think we're Abercrombie and Fitch models.

Michelle said...

lol no, no one should see headlights on anything past 50 years. Mike you are a A&F model...

Malia, I do hope you haven't boxed up the thongs in cold storage yet.

Fatness is currently in Phoenix helping pass out Obama flyers.

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