Last weekend Tim and I were strolling through Target when I stopped near an underwear rack and picked up a lacy pair, “you need new underwear” is what I heard from over my shoulder. I mentally took an underwear drawer inventory and came up with: faded-faded-holes-stretched- holes-saggy crotch- holes-faded, “I guess I do.”
I picked up a pair of low cut boyish brand with polka dots “those are cute” Tim said, “cute and itchy and unwearable” I mumbled. I quickly walked past the stripper style, the itchy lace style, and the thongs. I was looking for something with the words cotton, stretch or brief in the title. I finally found them at the very back of the underwear section with a sign above them that read “don’t fool yourself with the cute sweet stuff, you belong here among the friendly latex.” As I was perusing the myriad types of low cut and high cut briefs I began pondering Tim’s comment. I couldn’t remember how old my current underwear were but I placed them somewhere around a 2001 purchase. Each pair was old, faded, hideous and wonderfully comfortable. When did I stop caring whether or not my underwear was cute and new? Hmmm.
Then the image of my grandfather leafing slowly through the Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra section of the annual Sears and Roebuck catalog floated through my mind. I was around the age of 7 and wondered why grandpa was looking at bras? I suppose no male ever stops craving pretty underwear. I turned back to the task at hand, I was leaning towards the Hanes high cut briefs in sherbet colors or the mid-low cut in pastel stripes, both sensibly comfortable. I wondered why these types of underwear were rolled into tight bundles and shoved into plastic sleeves, not displayed prettily like the ones Tim was admiring. Humph. I settled on both and threw them in the cart. I met up with Tim at the string and postage-stamp-crotch area and told him I was done. He picked up my choice of high cut cotton spandex briefs folded into eggrolls, gave them a quick dissatisfied look and threw them into the cart. I said “well these should do me for 7 more years.”