5.17.2008

Never in 20 years

My important after work activities (i.e. taking a nap with Fatness and stuffing my face with baked potato chips) was interrupted with a call from Griffin. "Mom, WHAT-EVER you do don't look in my room." I said "um, what now?" at which point he repeated his foreboding statement. My mind started reeling with macabre thoughts, a dead stripper? Fatness in a torture device that went awry? A week old egg salad sandwich? The transmission from his Honda? I commanded him to stay on the line while I checked his room. I slowly started up the stairs wondering if I was going to find the dead body of his 5th grade teacher. I entered his Axe infused room slowly like SWAT and stopped in my clogs. This is what lay before my eyes:


001
...and this
002
...and this
003

I queried, in a celestial room whisper, "What the? Griffin, you cleaned your room and actually organized stuff?" I was shaking. He gingerly said "Mom open my underwear drawer." With trembling hand, I opened it.


004

My knees gave out and I sank into a lotus position of worship. I had turned into a pilgrim that found her sacred place. Dizzy with confusion I said "Griff, seriously what are you doing? You never in 20 years have cleaned your room without some sort of death threat from me?" and then he said something that made my mortal and terrestial life complete. "Mom, the messiness was starting to bug me, and this is how the Army has us do it."

I should have handed him over 20 years ago, swaddled with capped umbilical cord, for the Army to raise.

9 comments:

Chris said...

LOLOLOL!!!! Griff!! Please come over to my house and do that to Alex's room!

Unbelievable....I really am speechless at the perfect tidiness.

Erica said...

LOL your descriptions were perfect. Griffin Guttery?! I'm blown away.

EEK said...

Finally, a sliver of hope for every mother of a man child.

PS Did you look under the bed?

Ashley Rae said...

LOL- that is great. I love the pilgrim description... you are hilarious.

Justin grew up believing his mother was in the army (which couldn't be further from the truth). She would make his bed and he'd ask where she learned to make it so neatly. "In the army." was her reply. The facade of the army was very helpful with threats, as well...

acaseofcot said...

Amen to the other LOLs you (and your daughter) should be professional writers. My favorite part was the rolled underwear that is now on the world wide web. haha. Way to go Griffin, you've inspired me for a much needed late spring cleaning

acaseofcot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

I did not look under the bed, I didn't want to ruin my high.

allicat said...

You must be so proud....

Is Griffin available for hire? I have a closet that is in much need of organization!

Kristin said...

What a happy discovery and special moment.


Did you know in the Marines they expect your clothes hangers to be spaced exactly two inches apart? I see Griffin would make his drill instructor proud.

As you all probably know, your bed has to be made to perfection in 20 seconds or less, so I mastered the art of sliding in to the bed from the top and then sleeping perfectly still, laying there like I belonged in a casket with my hand folded neatly upon my chest... so as to wake at 4am and find my bed still made beautifully around me. I'd just slip back out again, and all the bed needed was to have the edge pulled tight and tucked under.

Truly amazing to recall, when today I look at my sheets on the floor on the left and the comforter on the floor to the right, and my pillow askew in the middle... And there is no way I'm flexible enough now to extract myself from bed without rumpling the covers.

Disapline and tidines is good, but please spend sufficient time training our kids in weaponry and survival skills...