1.15.2008

Rant

I started off the day by getting up far too early, drinking too much coffee and cleaning toilets with pure chlorine, which has provided me with a 3-way headache. I might as well cap it off with a much needed rant.

Why do husbands clean really dirty things in delicate areas? i.e. black, dirty work boots on travertine bathroom tile.

Am I the only person who cleans up after myself in a public bathroom? My work bathroom looks like a flock of geese just finished up bathing in the sinks and making a nest out of paper towels.

Why do co-workers come to the office on their deathbeds, really, do you think while you sit at your desk hacking up your dried out lungs and slurping up snot, you are doing us all a service?

Why do people talk during movies? Hey here's a clue, you are not at home, it's called a public place where people pay $9.00 to see a movie in quiet. While I'm sure the people on the screen seem very real to you, it's called acting so shut the eff up.

Microwaves at work. I think the people in my office bldg found a way to blow stuff up for amusement. How I love to heat up my soup, carefully covered with a paper towel, in a microwave that has 5 lbs of scrambled egg and sausage shrapnel hanging from the sides.

Trying on clothes. Thank you dept. stores for providing the horrible green-tinted fluorescent lights and foot to ceiling 3 sided mirrors so that I can see all the cellulite on my ass and thighs, and insure I see all of my 3 foot long legs that have no shape except for the narrowed part of the bottom I call ankles.

Fitness folks on morning talk shows. They stand upright in their black Lycra sports trunks, their spray on tans and 0% body fat and begin to explain in their high self-esteem meth-fast voices how simple it all is. "Hey folks, just get movin! You can jog through the grocery store, exercise in your chair at work, lift canned food, use your baby for arm lifts...." It was at that moment I had Tim's standard issue fully loaded 9mm glock aimed at my JVC 38 inch screen, thankfully, Tim Kung-fu high kicked it out of my hands.

Good-day.

9 comments:

Your bitchin sis said...

I saw the word "rant" and I thought it was going to be about mother. I'm glad it wasn't. UGH.

Mike used to clean the BBQ grill in our white porcelain kitchen sink. We nearly divorced over it.

No one cleans up the damn microwave at work. I think everyone thinks the micro waves are potent enough to sear the mac and cheese off the sides in there or something. Basically it's a case of lazyassery just like the paper towels and water puddles everywhere in a public restroom.

Don't even get me started with the fitness gurus. They are literally the devil. In lycra.

Needless to say, I agree with you on all points.

each of the two said...

i said GOOD DAY!

Allicat said...

I love a good rant. This one is perfect.

And the talking at the movies thing drives me absolutely up the wall. I'm always "shusshing" people who seem to have forgotten they are no longer in their living room.

RE: cleaning up in the public bathroom - I feel the same way about the beach or other public places. How difficult is it to walk over to the trash can, rather than let your wrapper fly into the wind to decorate the pristine, or what should be pristine, landscape????

And these microwave stories remind me of why I really like working from home... where I rarely even USE my microwave. So it's always clean :)

Hope your day is getting better, Michelle....

call me said...

Thank you for the "Rant" and lol to the fitness gurus, idiots.

Michelle said...

Erica informed me I sounded very angry in my rant, sorry to my readers it's been a frustrating week and it's only Tuesday.

Chris lol to Mike and the BBQ grill, Alli I'm doing much better.

EEK said...

Sometimes you gotta get it out! Ranting is a lot like festering and caffine...the older you get the more you need.

Blogging is so enlightening. You have given me yet another reason why I can't get a job ... I can't do the whole communal thing.

Ashley Rae said...

Everyone needs a good ranting once in a while. Glad you feel better :)

Anonymous said...

First let me say … that was fantastic! You are the most eloquent ranter (I don’t think that is a real word) I have ever heard(or in this case read) .J

Second, my phone broke yesterday, so I got a new one today. It is the same number and kind but I lost all my phone numbers. So if you could call or text me so I have your number again that would be excellent. Thank you!

~Morgan~

PA-lurker said...

You are the Seinfeld of ALL BLOGDOM and I worship at your feet.