Halloween Halloween this is Halloween

I love this holiday, I think I love it more than Christmas. It's the time of year when one can purchase witches with moxie and jaunty cats holding jack-o-lanterns.


Here is my menacing collection of ghouls. Notice carefully burned decorative candle.


A small Halloween guessing game for my readers: who can guess which clay pumpkin was designed by Erica and which one by Griffin?


Erica as a turtle-neck wearing cat, Griffin as a Power Ranger (one of the few times I could get him into a costume, he was scared of Halloween and all costumes).


Erica as a princess/ballerina, Chad a chilling devil with goatee.


Brandon in hand-me-down devil costume sans goatee, Kay out doing herself with the Frankenstein in parka, Griffin as swamp thing (he was wearing Erica's green dance leotard) and one arm of Erica as a Genie.


I will end with Camille upstaging everyone.

Kissing in the Rain

Yes, I see a lot of movies and thought I would share with you my list of “Things That Only Happen in Movies, Yet are Portrayed as Real Life.”

Turkeys flying through the air during holiday meals.

Long, perfectly worded arguments.

Suddenly breaking into lip syncing at home, using small appliances as microphones and dancing all through the house because that's what housewives with cancer do with their children.

The ultra smart yet ignored, ugly duckling getting the attention of the popular athlete and turning into a swan at the end of the movie with the inevitable slow, close up of her walking down the spiral staircase.

Overly decorated neighborhoods at Halloween and Christmas.

The entire movie of “Pretty Woman” puh-LEEZE.

Children building complex technology or contraptions that enables them to spy on or record their parents, friends or divert silly bad guys who do a lot of pratfalls .

Putting on amateur plays at school, home or church, yet the lighting and sets are Broadway worthy.

Boys showing up at your bedroom window holding a boom box, also trying to convince your dad that his ivy league daughter should end up with his loser ass.

Faces being pushed into food, especially wedding cake. Elaborate scenes in restaurants where there is a hilarious chain reaction of people landing on tables and waiters dropping food.

Twinkle lights everywhere, mainly rooftops where they are trying to impress their dates with waiters and violins—dancing always follows, under said twinkle lights.

Any J-Lo movie, Note to J-Lo please leave us all alone and go back to wherever and take Skeletor with you.

Truckloads of flowers being delivered to one person, in an attempt to make up.

Doing a lot of stuff in the rain.

Dance offs.

You are doing what now?

"I'm joining the Army Reserves." This is the comment I heard from Griff about 2 weeks ago, 2 days ago he signed up. I couldn't fathom my little boy enduring boot camp, I was picturing Full Metal Jacket and starting to hyperventilate. "Mom I will be fine, really, it's just boot camp."

He will be gone for 3 months, then home for Christmas then gone again for 4 months training to be an EMT. In my mother's mind he is still 9, I'm making him sandwiches without the crust and pulling his jammies over his head.

When he comes home at night he finds me, whether I'm asleep or not, because he wants me to know he is home and to give me a tight hug. I'm going to miss that.

He is going to endure long long marches while chanting foul songs in unison, there will be men with bad haircuts yelling in his face making him do push ups. They won't care if he is tired or that he needs his Mommy.

He promised me that his Sgt. said "there is a slim chance you will be deployed." Slim ain't good enough for me, I want nil to none.

He leaves October 10.

If I were president

Remember in high school when someone was running for student body president and they would stand up and give a speech to convince people to vote for them with silly promises like “I will put Coke in all the water fountains and outlaw homework.” Well if I were president I would:



Get rid of all Victoria Secret stores. I walk by those windows filled with stripper mannequins donned with lingerie that only Angelina J. and anorexics with silicone implants could pull off and wonder who buys this stuff? Those stores simply should not exist. I wear my standard grey-tinged oversized Hanes T-shirt with matching stretched-out grey elastic-topped polyblend shorts to bed and call it a night. I call for a boycott; we normal women have enough to feel guilty about. Those stores are nothing more than expensive hallowed sanctuaries for men to shop at during Christmas.




Allow gays to marry. Let’s see, the latest statistics show that heterosexuals divorce 50% of the time and at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80% of all marriages, so obviously we know what we are doing in the relationship department. I am so tired of the Republican rightwing idiots that think they have the moral high ground on what it takes to have a fulfilling marriage. You know what it boils down to? FEAR, fear of the unknown. Hey scared weird ultra toxic religious judgmental person, have you ever spent time with the gays? No? Here’s an idea, get to know a few of them, they don’t bite and they breathe oxygen just like you and me.



Change the 8 hour work day. What brainpan came up with the idea that a work day should be 8 hours long? Even if I were doing things I love for 8 hours (i.e. searching pop culture websites, adorning Fatness with household items) I would get tired of it. I would immediately change it to a 4 hour work day; this would ensure people to work faster and harder to get everything done right? I am brilliant.



Outlaw video games. I loathe them, period. No, it’s not because I suck at them it’s because they are a mammoth waste of time and money and they are the reason our children today are lazy and chubby and have the I.Q.’s of a potato. Seriously people with young children, don’t let them play these cultish games! I lost Griffin 17 years ago to Nintendo, the first time I saw his eyes glaze over and pass up snack time I knew he had left me for the world of Mario. He could have a doctorate by now if he had wisely used the same amount of time studying. I wouldn’t be surprised to find a Sony Playstation in the childhood bedroom of Jeffrey Dahmer. These games are sheer evil and they have become a rite of passage for the male toddler, where else can they learn to pick up hookers and steal cars without joining a gang? Let’s get our children off the floor with their dazed Charles Manson clan stare and back to reading and freeze tag.

There you have it, my campaign promises. I may not win but at least I will get the gay vote.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!

Christine Kay Hunsaker Spiro turned 40 years old today and she doesn't like it one bit.



I couldn't imagine my life without you, if I could keep you in my back pocket I would. I believe when God created the "sister" it was you he had in mind. I love you with all my heart.

Things that gratify me

Silly picture taking, especially Halloween ghouls. I directed them to act "afraid."


Impressionism. Monet and Renoir are my favorites.



Children and laughing. No one makes me laugh harder than Erica and Griffin.



Soothing rooms. Decorating is a small passion of mine.



Hydrangeas, my favorite flower. Look at their brilliance! This was in Seattle where I was visiting Alli.


Books. I love you.


CATS, should be worshipped.


Family


Movies. The first movie I remember going to a theatre to see was "The Sound Of Music" I fell in love with sitting in the dark and being transported.


Traveling. This is in Canada, amazingly beautiful.