11.20.2007

Thanks?giving

I love the holidays just like the next guy, but there are some things that happen during this time of year that well, give me shingles, not so much thanks.



I've had an assfull of our brilliant local news people saying "and next up, how to beat those Thanksgiving crowds at the airport on the busiest day of the year."

Really Patti K.? I didn't know it was the busiest?
I'm on pins and needles awaiting your advice.






The meal.

Cook the turkey-4 hours. Make the mashed potatoes-1 hour. Make the green bean thing-1 hour. Make the Jello-Ambrosia-45 minutes. Set the table-45 minutes.

Eat-9 minutes.

Clean up-2 hours.













That one lady elbowing her way to the Ol' Roy 2 for 1 body sized dog food bags. She's the one that shows up at Wal-Mart at 6 am sharp on Black Friday, white knuckling her coupons in her Faded Glory fleece.












Sweet Aunt Whoever, that tells you your making the gravy wrong then launches into the same stories of Cousin Oscar and Uncle Otis and their hijinks's.

Same sweet Aunt proceeds to ask unassuming nieces and nephews probing awkward questions and then begins proclaiming her unsolicited religious advice.









Happy Thanksgiving.

5 comments:

Chris said...

Oh my LORD, perfect description. PERFECT. Make it 2 minutes to eat and 3 hours clean up! It really does suck for the person hosting the shindig, which is ME for the past 5 years running....not to complain, though.

That 'Aunt' looks just like Ruth!

And the stores are opening at 4 A.M. this year--can you believe that. It is total madness. God Bless America and all our fat, must-have-a-perfect-holiday-or-I-will-wither-up-and-die asses.

each of the two said...

since im going across the world and dont get thanksgiving htis year, know what I am going to miss most? the unsolicited religios advice.



NOT.


its the cranberry jelly in a can.

Allicat said...

I believe I have only hosted 2 Thanksgiving dinners in my entire life. The most recent was purchased mostly baked from Albertsons.

This year I am taking a greyhound bus and heading over to spend the weekend with my sister and her family. Lucky for her - and me - her husband LOVES to cook. LOVES IT. I will be making a soda cracker pie as my donation. And, I'm sure, help with the cleanup.

But no unsolicited religous advice will be served.

Why doesn't Patti K. report on the busy bus stations?

Erica said...

My favorite line "white knuckling her coupons in her Faded Glory fleece." LOL

Michelle said...

LOL to cranberry in a can, which I will be serving.

4 AM what the? She does look like Ruth.

Alli I wish I loved cooking, have fun at Kris's.

Caca I will be looking forward to your funeral potatoes.