Mr. Fix-it

My palms were sweaty even before we climbed into the truck to make that ill fated journey to Home Depot, you see, our bedroom toilet was making that leaky noise that one can't ignore. Tim perused the tank pieces hanging before us in the plumbing isle and proclaimed "we will just change the whole thing out." He might as well of said "We will chisel Michelangelo's David out of a 25 ft block of margarine." So began the journey of the leaky toilet, to which my Patriarchal Blessing had fortuitously warned..."and you shall marry a man that believes he can fix shit, but he can't."

Here is Tim as he begins the taking apart of the tower and this is also where the cursing started.

Notice the 5 ft instruction sheet with its 39 steps is no where near Tim, also notice all the moving parts. Keep in mind the only thing leaking was one itsy bitsy rubber flapper. I left tip toeing out of the bathroom hoping Tim wouldn't hear me.

I got to where Fatness was also trying to hide when I heard Tim yell "where did you go?"

Let's just say at this point 60 minutes had gone by and things weren't progressing. Tim deduced he needed to make a trip back to Home Depot. I've decided that one trip to Home Depot when fixing anything is a fairy tale.

We are now at a brisk 130 minutes and this is what I'm still seeing from my vantage point.

Against my better judgement I gently queried a "hows it goin?" My answer was a sort of grunt followed by a mumble.

Later Tim proudly announced "it was fixed." Ahhhh, yes, I got ready for bed and slept happily knowing I would wake to a working toilet. The next morning as I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes and thankfully using my working toilet, I gave it a good wrist flush, and heard nothing but a clanking chain and a hollow tank. I lifted the lid. No water in the tank.

I asked Tim the next day after work when he was going to fix the toilet, he said "I don't know."


Chris said...

Ok, seriously, Tim=Mike, and Mike=Tim. This post has been the story of my marital life! What is even more sad is that, after all that rigamarole, I would usually fix whatever Mike was trying to fix in five minutes with a paperclip and a rubber band. At least I let him try first.

So sad (and entertaining).

allicat said...

This is so sad.... and yet you make it so entertaining. Why is it (most) all men really think they're handymen? Doesn't it require SOME training - or at least a willingness to read instructions???

Is there water in the tank yet?

Michelle said...

I refuse to fix it.

There is no water in the tank and it is still leaking.

Kristin said...

What I think is hilarious is that you knew in advance, with such surety, that this would be a fiasco that you began photographic documentation of the event from the moment Tim began the project.

Michelle said...

LOL...Kris "photographic documentation"

Kristin said...

I do have to say that we also recently had "toilet issues" where water was escaping from the tank.

That weekend when Craig & I were at Home Depot, as we walked down the plumbing aisle toward the sprinkler supplies, I pointed to the toilet related paraphernalia and asked him what he was going to need to fix our toilet.

He looked over his choices for a moment and then said, "I might need that. But let me take a closer look at it when we get home."

So he did.

And then he tightened up the leaking screw, and voila! A leak free commode.

allicat said...

Maybe Chris can come over and fix it :)

Michelle said...

Day 5, the toilet remains unfixed.