7.10.2007

Middle name, Joanna.




Dear Jen,


I don't like you. You lost Brad, no surprise there. Let's break it down, you are an insecure horrible actress. Every role you have ever played was some sort of variation of Rachel Green, you tried to become a serious actress when you took the role in “The Good Girl” what a joke, you just frowned more. Is it any wonder that Brad left your A for the mystical goddess Angelina? I ask you? Angie knows where Thailand and Cambodia are on a map. While she is toiling away in these countries passing out vaccines and money to her people and children (yes, Jen the icky ones with flies in their eyes) you are skipping along Malibu beach holding hands with Courtney Cox Arquette and her weird husband discussing whether or not you should go lighter on your highlights.











My Angie is a globetrotting ambassador for the needy, she gave birth for Brad and takes care of 4 children while flying her own plane, she won an academy award without even trying. You, my friend are a hollow woman, the only thing holding you up is Smartwater and your spray on tan. You have a weird shaped jaw line and your hair is the same since you made that huge, scary move to cut it short, then cried for 6 months about it. My Angie sheds tears, yet strangely not over her hair, but the horrible, inexcusable treatment of children all over the world. Please do us all a favor and move to the United Kingdom where your new Brad-look-alike boyfriend resides because you aren’t fit to be Angelina Jolie’s shoehorn.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, when was Jen fattt!!!??? I have no comment on this post except for I am still having a hard time with the Billy Bob era in Angelina's life with the vial of blood and everything. They were so nauseating they burned their fondling image into my brain forever. :( :(
Brad remains as delicious as always, though.

-C

Michelle said...

That was 'weird' Angelina, she has changed, we must forgive her for the Billy Bob era as well as the kissing her brother era.

Jen was never fat, that's a photoshop.

Erica said...

lol I knew this was coming. You've been wanting to vent your hatred for Jen in public for a long time.

Jen is boring, but I'm sick of Angelina and Brad, they're weird.

Michelle said...

No they are not weird! They are a fascinating world-wise couple full of humanitarian efforts and empathy.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Michelle, I have to agree with Caca. I'm sick of them and their perfection plastered everywhere I look. Yes, they are filty rich, talented, beautiful and adopt kids from poor countries. Great (yawn). Now let's see more photoshopped pics of fatty Jen!!

Maybe I do miss crazy Angelina. She was at least interesting then. Now she is all "I'm just better than you and you know it."

Sorry, Shelly. :(

-C

Michelle said...

I know you two wouldn't agree with me, that's fine. I still find them completely fascinating.

Allicat said...

I had no idea you harbored this animosity towards Jen.... Shocking! I thought you reserved those feelings for Shauneen : )

Frankly, I'm not one to care much about celebrities (though I do lust after a few of them).... can't say I've ever felt hatred towards any of them (I save that for the idiots running/ruining our country right now), but I do admire Brad & Angelina and how they've chosen to live their lives.

Allicat said...

I also like that Angelina is so comfortable in her own skin.

I saw her interviewed on "In the Actors Studio" and loved how comfortable she was talking about her past, her bi-sexuality, her depression, her UN work. She just doesn't seem to carry any shame of her past with her, and I like that.

Michelle said...

Yes! I agree, I love how comfortable she is in her skin too.