Fatty's Grooming

It was with utter delight that I discovered a mobile pet grooming service van in my neighborhood one day. I asked them if they shave cats and they said "of course."

Taking Fatty to Petsmart has always been very taxing on him. Because 1. car rides are scary, 2. he has to be in a room with smelly dogs 3. they keep him for 3 hours.

Here is Jamie and Fatty. Jamie has a nice quiet van where Fatty gets one on one service.


Jamie carrying Fatness to her van.


Fatness was delighted that there were no dogs in the van.


She said he would be finished in 45 minutes. I loved Jamie.


45 minutes later a freshly shorn Fatts was delivered to my door. He was calm and refreshed, a far cry from the hysterical mewing cat I picked up at Petsmart.


He thanked Jamie for her gentle service and bid her "good day."


And then he delightedly took his place in the sun for his morning nap.

For Malia

Malia adores Fatness. She loves when I post about him and recently requested more pictures. This is for you Malia.

Fatness sleeping.







You're welcome.

Fatt

Griffin and I were bored last night, so naturally I suggested we measure Fatness. He measures in at 30" from ear tip to back paw.

Profiles

Caca requested new pictures of Fatness.


BACK


RIGHT SIDE


TOP


LEFT SIDE


FRONT

Summer Shearing

Fatness was


thrilled


to get his


summer cut.

My Talented Friend

Thank you Allicat for my beautiful header, featuring Fatness.

Stuff that happened today.

I don't like when Fatness gets really hairy, especially when he gets really hairy and wants to sleep on my nice living room sofa. So I devised a plan to keep him away from it. Kritten's hate the smell of citrus, so I peeled an orange and placed the peels along the top of my sofa as a repellent for Fatness. This afternoon this is what I saw.





Fatness was all "whatever bitch."

The highlight of my day was going to Home Depot with Sween and Chris. As we were pulling up into the parking lot Sween started yelling about some little car that she wanted to ride in. We had no idea what she meant until we saw the car-t. She was giggling and squirming with excitement when I lifted her in.



She is such a loves.

Fatty

In this video you will witness something rare, Fatness acting excited. Along with his old nemesis "rug" he has a new nemesis, two Hallmark snowmen singing.

disclaimer: ignore blurry images, Fatness was going crazy during the song.

Rated F for Fatness & other Thursday ramblings

Fatness is getting furry again and it's not appreciated. I told him he would be getting a second shearing very soon and he told me to stuff it.



I'm obsessed with the 3rd season of MadMen. Don has never been more sexy and surly. I had to "Madmen" myself. Here I am sharing a martini with Don, draped in pearls, gloves and casually smoking; making sure my foot is turned at just the right angle, saying, "come hither Don."



My latest list of people I would like to stuff in an old VW van and push over the Grand Canyon are:

1. Miley Cyrus
2. Jon Gosselin
3. Spencer Pratt

My idea of perfection is a Diet Coke with lemon wedge, a unopened bag of Funyuns, tv tuned to Martha Stewart who is arranging a basket of hydrangeas, sitting around in pajamas with an array of fashion/pop magazines to peruse. Wait, that's my morning.

Good-day.

Partees and Cats

Abbigail turned 11 a few days ago, isn't she beautiful?


...umm Sween was in fine form, posin' for pics and lookin' for krittens.


I do think Griffin flew the 9 hours and 8000 miles home just to hold Fatness.

Etc.

Looking forward to a week from today. Caca and I, sans husbands, will be flying up to the land of Zion where we will be attending a family reunion, which in my book equals nothing but hilarity and shenanigans. We have been asked to bring a side-dish and our own utensils.



We will also be seeing the Divine Malia Meadows Call, or Sister Call as I refer to her. She is the relief society prez and as so deserves our utmost respect. I look forward to hanging at her crib.

I was thinking today, as I looked into Fatness green wise eyes. Why do we make up so many names for our animals? This morning I called Fatness everything but "Fatness." He was referred to as:

Kittledons
KiKi
Krittendom
Krittens

And on many other days has been called:

Smittens
Professor Smittens
Commander Drittens
Fatty McFatterson
Krinkledom
Dumbass (Tim)



He answers to one and all. I'm sure Caca and Chris have many names for their krittens.

Happy Thursday losers.

It's Been Much Too Long...

Since a Fatness Post!



This is the ceramic Fatty I made at Abby's birthday party. Of course I headed straight towards the shelf of cats and of course Erica made a snotty comment about "how predictable" so of course I ignored her. Fatty loved it.



This morning I discovered in the newspaper this fabulous offer! A sitting with my pet for only $150.00, marked down from $300.00. She will even come to my house! I asked Tim if he would like to join Fatness and I for our photo shoot? His reply "I'm leaving the house."

Fierce Lion

Fatness was a big boy today, he received his summer Lion Cut.

Fatness allowed me to film him briefly, he requested Aretha Franklin's "Think," he said he "moves better with a little soul playin."

Caturday Proclamation To The World

"Hey you, sitting at your computer wasting time, listen up. I have some revelations. Just because your boyfriend or husband wants you to see Watchmen you don't have to. That giant guy with the color of Michael Jackson's skin and loin cloth is creepy."



"The Bachelor sucked this year. I wanted to staple Melissa's lips together so she would stop moving them around. Jason's kid looked like a spider monkey and Jason cried more than a 13 year old at a Jonas concert. Hey Jason, hows your vagina?"



"I'm not done yet, hey, up here. This Twilight shizz has got to end. Beyonce looked like a cow at the Oscars. Hugh J. is finer than a peach from Carolina.



"Chris B, Rush L, Miley C and Pamela A need to be dumped into a volcano. Rachel Ray needs a muzzle. Cats rule dogs drool. Ellen in Oprah out. Jon Hamm is finer than a beach in Carolina. Ok losers, that's it for now."

Statue Cat

Preamble: I can't help that I love cats, they get a bad rap, and they shouldn't because well, they should be worshipped like biblical prophets of yore.

A new neighbor moved in next door, a single lady, she looks like a rougher version of Stevie Nicks, because she wears flowing gypsy skirts with scarfs and has long unruly hair. Anyway, I decided I didn't like this neighbor because 1. I often make horrible pop judgements. 2. She didn't take care of her backyard and 3. She was weird. And Then. I saw her cat. Tim and I were minding our own business doing yard work, when I decided to mind my own business and peek over her fence to see if she had cleaned up her backyard, and that is when I saw HIM. He was Persian, with long grayish whitish fur, staring right back at me, like a statue cat. I was in love. I peeked over later and he hadn't moved. I yelled at Tim to come see this creature, and Tim fell in love too (we'll pretend he did). There was something about this cat that was hysterical too. His face said to me "you are a worthless human, get away with you, good day." From then on it was my mission in life (albeit not the same as my youth mission to New Mexico that I hated). No this mission was very important, I need to see this cat again! 4 weeks went by with only small sightings by Tim, who would see Phantom Cat in the early dawn or I would see a fleeting snippet of tail go around the corner. I was determined to get a picture. 2 days ago, I walked past the Stevie Nicks Gypsy house with my mail when I caught a grey smashed-in-face-fluff-ball out of the corner of my eye, it was HIM! I ran home with the mail, ran inside to get my camera and then like SWAT snuck slowly slowly up to him, I was able to get one picture and he was not happy with me. For your viewing pleasure here is Phantom Statue Cat.

Good Caturday

Fatness on Stuff.



They posted this picture yesterday, just look at that face!
He so hates his bath time.

This made me laugh. I love the scarf.



Side note:
Tim said (as he was watching me dance around with glee because Fatness was on Stuff again) "I WILL DIVORCE YOU IF YOU BECOME A CRAZY CAT LADY."

I meekly replied "define crazy."

Happy Caturday

Fatness and I have narrowed down his Halloween costume to these 3 choices. He is leaning towards the 18th century Tricorne Hat ensemble, he feels the jacket is slimming. He made me promise I wouldn't put him into a sloppy t-shirt costume.

Good Thursday

Today is a good day, it's the last day of the Republican Convention, tomorrow is Friday, the Fall programming is around the corner, Erica and I are taking Chris out for her birthday on Saturday and the VMA's are Sunday--where I pray Brittany Spears does another 'dance' routine. In honor of these fine reasons I'm posting a cat video.

Below you will find a very rough indie reenactment of the Caturday Japanese techno video. I would have fine tuned it with a black background etc, but I had 1 very unwilling participant(Fatness), and only one take. At any rate, if you listen very carefully you will hear a very brief sad "meoooow" and a lot of giggling from me because I am easily amused by anything involving cats.

Fatness Without Borders

I explained to Fatness in my most pleasant cat voice "you are overdue for your glamour shots." He turned on his paw and gave me his back, "he didn't feel up to it."



I explained that I would set up his favorite fan and we could try some blowing fur shots. He slowly agreed, only after I promised 2 hours of the PBS Special "Sarah Brightman in Vienna" for his solitary viewing. I also had to promise to no unflattering belly poses.



I requested he stand up, he requested Tim leave his shot.



He told me to lose the Lil Wayne CD and give him some sweet Rihanna.



He loves him some Rihanna.



"Take A Bow" is his favorite.



He said he was done and ready for his favorite treat of peanuts and tuna pieces.



I asked for one last pose, he said to "shut it" and get his video cued up.