11.09.2009

Pearls of Great Price

Over the years, friends and family have given me advice periodically, some good, some bad, some that has stuck with me for many years.

I share these pearls of wisdom with you.

FATHER:
"Wear nice clothes when you go to the department stores, you get better service."

MOTHER:
"Never leave your husband for more than a few days. I never did."

LDS CHURCH INSTRUCTOR (female):
"Always wear just a touch of make-up to bed for your husband."

LDS CHURCH INSTRUCTOR (male):
"Let any final decision be made by your priesthood husband."

PAST GAY BOYFRIEND:
"Everyone should own at least 3 Judy Garland albums."

TIM:
"Most people don't know shit from Shinola, trust no one."

OLD BOYFRIEND:
"Never mix beer and wine."

CAT GROOMER:
"Give your cat space and quiet to adjust to his new cut."


And there you have it, any and all advice one will ever need to lead a happy productive, fruitful life.

I would enjoy hearing any pearls of wisdom, family and friends have bestowed upon you.

11 comments:

Ashley Rae said...

lol... good advice from all. Especially from the female lds church instructor. Hell- I wear more than a touch of makeup. I go to bed in lingerie every night. Just to keep it spicy. ;)

craig said...

from one of my favorite authors:
"never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

hannybanny said...

I award this blog post an A for Amusement. :D

Have you heard the one, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say"? A favourite of my mum's. I find it worth repeating every now and then.

Chris said...

What exactly is "shinola"?

Another gem from Mom--she has millions--"Ginger snaps sooth the stomach". This may be true, though, because ginger is supposed to be good for nausea, but not the whole box. :)

call me said...

I think I just let out a burst of laughter at

TIM:
"Most people don't know shit from Shinola, trust no one."

LOL LOL LOL, and who wears makeup to bed!

allicat said...

I wish I could think of some of my grandmother's gems exactly -

One was about the evils of "loud laughter" (pronounced lafture)

Another was about how a person should never going downstairs without carrying something with me that needed to be put away.


Ken Plain: "Stay away from hat drivers"

It's a truth more, often than not, that when I am stuck behind some slow or clueless driver - when I finally pass him, he is wearing a HAT.

allicat said...

Another one from my grandmother...


Oh, don't pull that face - what if it freezes like that!?

allicat said...

Advice from me (to myself - obviously not taken today)...

Always preview and proof read before publishing your comment to avoid misplaced commas and improper tense.

Erica said...

lol lol - you have met a lot of wise people throughout your life. Lol to the cat groomer - I'm sure you soaked in that little nugget of advice with a very serious head nod and did exactly as you were told.

Zach has given me lots of advice about what I should do if we ever have to survive in the woods. But I don't remember any of it.

Kristin said...

Ken, we have decided there is absolute truth in your hat theory. It is to the point where we'll quickly try to do determine - "Are they wearing a hat?!" in order to know how better to proceed in any annoying traffic situation.

I don't seem to have any great pearls of wisdom to share today, but loved reading these, Michelle. I'm sure Fatness is very grateful for your understanding and adherence to the last one.

Michelle said...

lol to all advice. I will have to pay more attention to the "hat" drivers, I mostly avoid Asians and grey haired folks.

Shinola is shoe polish, of course, because Tim uses it, it is a very old WWII phrase.

Of course I listened to the sage advice of my cat groomer.