6.13.2007

...and God created Fatness



My cat is Fatness.
I came by him through a forfeiture and a lie. The forfeiture by my daughter the lie to my husband. "I will only keep him for the weekend" the weekend has lasted 5 years. He is the best cat that I have ever owned, a far cry from "Mr. French" who peed in my bed while I was asleep, or the 2 dogs I owned that barked incessantly and ate my shoes. Cats should be worshipped, I pointed this out to Tim (my husband) backing up my statement by reminding him that cats were worshipped in Egypt, his reply "they were all high on opium." Cats do not get the praise they deserve, people are scared of them (Mrs. Call) or put them in the category with crazy old single women. Fatness greets me every morning, quietly waiting at my door, and greets me every evening when he hears my car in the garage. He does these tasks without slobbering or barking or begging for attention. He eats his Iams sparingly and is clean and dainty. He lets me adorn him with silly objects. He has learned hand signals and knows when I don't want him sitting in my lap, when I gently raise my hand in a "stop" sign he leaves. I could go on but I will save Fatness' healing powers for another post.

13 comments:

Erica said...

LOL, this is only the beginning of the Fatness themed posts. And he is not dainty, nor does he know hand signals!! He leaves when you raise your hand because he always leaves, he has a very short attention span.

However, Fatness is the best cat on earth. He deserves all the worship we give him. Lover.

Michelle said...

You have yet to see my hand signals, and Fatness only leaves a room because he is bored.

Allison said...

I considered getting a cat to keep me company about a year ago.... but after babysitting Margie's "Tinker" (who is very pretty) for a few days I realized I just didn't want the responsbility of feeding or finding a babysitter for a kitty when I travel... not to mention the kitty litter box smell (I have a very small condo - and no 'utility room').

However, I do worship cats when they allow me in their presence. I can't wait to hear about the healing powers of Fatness, and may need to come for a visit and partake.

Have you tried dancing with Fatness? I would very much like to observe the two of you doing the pre-dance exercises.... tape and post them on youtube for us : )

Anonymous said...

LOL to this entire post. I think you do realize your cat is ABNORMAL for a cat. He actually relishes you putting many objects on him and then taking his picture. Maybe my cats would actually be nice if I didn't have a 11 year old boy harassing them constantly. Your cat really is a very well behaved dog. I also need to bond more with my furry nephew. I feel he and his aunt have not truly connected yet. Maybe I'll come on bended knee and offer some kitty treats next time I see him.

And just to piss you off, I will quote a HARRY POTTER book with something Tim will love:

Hermoine, defending the behavior of her cantankerous old cat who is repeatedly trying to kill Ron's rat:
"Ron, you are the one with the problem. The ancient Egyptians used to worship cats."

Ron (under his breath): "Yeah, along with the dung beetle."

Thought you'd enjoy that. :D :D

Long live King Fatness!

Chris

Michelle said...

Ah yes, the dancing with your cat website, I don't think I have ever seen anything more funny or appropriate. I will discuss this with Fatness and see first what music he prefers.

Chris I love that quote! You and Fatness need an entire weekend together, he would love you to brush his silky hair and scratch his pads.

Alli, you need a kitty.

PA-lurker said...

There is too much feline estrogen on this site. Can't...continue...to...read...or...type.....

Michelle said...

lol, Mike you must sacrifice for me.

Erica said...

Mom you need to add me and Chris to your links. You also need a profile picture. Let's fancy this blog up a little.

Michelle said...

I'm a novice at this stuff! I don't have your skills...I'm working on the profile pic, ease up on me.

Anonymous said...

Wow your blog is all fancy now. I thought you would have Stuff on my Cat on there as a link too. I mean, it's your second home!


-C

Michelle said...

Erica added the links, I was having a bit of trouble. Yes I need STUFF on there.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who this Pa-Lurker is but I like them! But I laughed hard at the title Michelle.

M dizzle

Michelle said...

Malia, PA Lurker is my dear friend of the gay persuasion from BYU Mike R. He is the funniest thing that side of the Mississippi.