First Seat First Row

Good Things

2012-01-15T06:05:00.000-08:00

I'm the world's most nonathletic person, I'm also the world's worst exercise disciplined person, but today marks 6 months of an exercise regime that I have actually stuck with. When I turned 50 I realized it's all downhill from here and I better get my ass moving somewhere other than between the sofa and kitchen for snacks. Leslie Sansone "Walk Away The Pounds" starts you out simply and she doesn't scare you or scream at you.

I started out with her one mile and have worked up to the 4 mile. I started out with 5 pound weights and now use 8 pound weights. I can do 35 girl push ups and about 20 sit ups and have discovered some muscles in my back and arms that I never knew existed. I lost 8 pounds.

To mark my new found energy I talked Tim into going on a hike with me yesterday. It was a 1.5 mile hike and probably moderate difficulty. In the past I would have huffed and sworn my way to the top or not have gone at all, but I did have to smile a little as I easily maneuvered the hike and even led the way while my athletic husband was breathing a little harder and having to stop a little more.

Christmas Joy

2011-12-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays. I have no presents wrapped, no outside lights up, no Christmas cards sent and I've eaten my weight in tamales. Also, is it odd that my husband has an obsession with those awful Hallmark Holiday movies? Last night he watched 3 in a row. It's ridiculous.

When I get stressed I simply watch a Maru video. I would sell my soul to the Kardashian's if it meant I could own this cat.

How is your holiday progressing?

More Ivy-girl

2011-12-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

I might need a separate blog just for pictures of my baby Ivy.

Here she is looking completely thrilled with her first visit to Grandma's house:

Here she is looking very excited about Grandma's Christmas tree:

Ivy

2011-11-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I held her, something I have waited 27 years for. She was so incredibly beautiful, I fell in love instantly. I think Zach was worried I might run out the door with her, he told me each baby is equipped with an ankle alarm "baby Low-Jack" that will go off if she passes through the door, my plan was foiled.

Here is her first stroller ride. Let's just say it didn't start out well, Erica and I got 20 feet from the front door when we were accosted by a bee. We both freaked out because Zach is allergic, at one point Erica screamed "SHE COULD BE ALLERGIC LIKE ZACH!" Then there was a lot of swatting at air and dancing around. Things settled down after the bee left.

She looked very contemporary in her striped H&M onesie and green headband.

Dear Baby Girl,

You are very lucky to have the parents you do. Do you know that your Mom told me in the hospital she didn't want to go to sleep because she didn't want to miss anything you did and your Daddy held you for hours just staring at your beautiful face? They love you beyond anything you can imagine until one day you have your own child.

When my mom tucked me in at night she said "I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars." Guess what Ivy, I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars. I plan on us being best friends, I hope you will share your secrets and dreams with me.

Love,
Grandma

Kitchen Remodel

2011-11-08T07:52:00.001-08:00

We have been in this house for 10 years, for 10 years we have talked about painting cabinets and adding granite counter tops. The exquisite Formica was beginning to chip, the white dishwasher was very loud and the oak finish cabinets were water-stained, but other than that it was a lovely kitchen. Here is a before picture from 2010 Halloween, or maybe Zach just liked wearing dinosaur tails.

We first got our cabinets painted a chocolate brown, it took two days and we had to endure a very potent varnish smell. Our kitchen was taped up like a scene from Dexter.

They took off all the fronts and painted them in our backyard, the rest was taped off and sprayed.

We picked out brushed nickel handles. We still needed a sink and counter tops.

We went to Home Depot and picked out a light colored granite, and had planned on a stainless steel sink, but opted for a chocolate granite sink. Picked out a faucet and added a stainless steel dishwasher. Could have done this 10 years ago, but why rush things.

A Painted House!

2011-10-11T17:44:00.001-07:00

So I got a mean letter from my HOA basically saying your house trim looks like crap, paint it. So logically we decided to get the entire house painted. Here are a few before pictures, look closely and you can see where they patched all the cracks...thousands of them.

My freshly painted house.

I explained to Tim why this newly painted house/fence required new patio stuff, his reply "really?" My firm reply "yes." Here are my cute red Adirondack chairs and striped umbrella, a few new pots as well.

Alli thank you for my new header, she asked me if she has to send me a new header every time she wants me to post.

Fatness has wings, we mere mortals just can't see them.

Tiny Dogs

2011-09-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

If Chris and I had taken a different life path, this would have been us.

What is Going on Here?

2011-08-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

Is it just my imagination, or is that whale swaying to the music?

Things I Know For Sure

2011-07-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

Oprah in her holy wisdom did a "Things I Know For Sure" list regularly. Her list and my list differ a bit:

I would like to slap this mug so hard his moles fly off.

My ratio of cellulite to muscle. 100:1

Emma Stone is one lucky B.

The Taiwanese are rock stars. Hello Kitty Terminal. I would pack a lunch and make it a day.

Menopause sucks.

Ryan Gosling is too school for cool. Who else can pull off the sockless loafer and bring a dog onto a talk show, a dog with a mohawk and wearing a sock for no apparent reason.

I'm not sure who is having more hot flashes right now, me or Phoenix.

I miss him. Damn you Matthew Weiner and your contract negotiations.

That Erica and Zach need to get a little more creative in their photography.

Tuesday Stuff

2011-07-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. My husband has returned to work after being home for 2 1/2 months due to shoulder surgery. I don't like husbands afoot, they disturb schedules. I get cranky when my schedules are interrupted or questioned.

I have happily returned to browsing websites for my corral of men, Channing T, Ryan G. and my new addition Chris Evans. I will watch Housewives without guilt or explanation. I can't wait to get back to roaming around TJ Maxx and Home Goods, I have missed them. It's just not the same when I have someone at my heels wondering how I can stare at a shelf of accessories for 23 minutes as I mentally go through each room in my house.

In honor of my restored freedom, I give you chubby kritten who is defending himself against a couple of formidable opponents. Make sure you have sound.

Winslow/Holbrook

2011-07-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

For Ordene's 80th birthday we got to travel to Holbrook! and stay in Winslow at one of my favorite places La Posada which is a rose among thorns, literally. Here is a small history lesson:

"Rated as one of the top 5 historic hotels in Arizona- La Posada was built in 1930 and was the last and most elegant of the Fred Harvey Hotels built by the Santa Fe Railroad. It was designed by Mary Colter- perhaps the greatest architect of the Southwest- as a fabulous Spanish hacienda."

Each time Tim and I stay there, they have added something new, renovations are slow due to funds and the massive undertaking. Here are some snapshots of the gardens, for some reason I took not one picture inside, I have no idea why.

Hollyhocks!

And for good measure, a belly shot.

Cats With Buckets on Their Heads

2011-05-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

For your Tuesday enjoyment.

Life

2011-05-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

My Allicat has sent me three new headers! She also said I owed her three new posts.

The best news of the year is that Erica is pregnant. She invited Tim and I over for dinner one night and casually mentioned "do you see any new pictures on the family wall?" and for a heartbeat I let myself believe. My eyes landed on a framed picture of a blurry ultra sound with a small peanut. I dissolved into tears, meanwhile Tim was still looking at the family shelf, very confused. I wasted no time asking Zach if I could attend the ultra sound for the baby's gender...he said "yes."

Had a marvelous Mother's Day. My two amazing children surprised me with tickets to Mr. Shue's concert in July AND bought an extra one for Chris. Mr. Shuester himself sent along this picture with the tickets.

Our San Francisco trip was perfect, turning 50 not so perfect.

Mike spent 4 days with me! In between him trying to get some color into that New Jersey ghostly skin, there was a lot of giggling and cooking. He made us the most delicious cookies and guacamole. He was also dragged to a few family activities and never complained. He also surprised me with flowers for Mother's Day. I miss him.

The End.

Fatty's Grooming

2011-03-10T07:01:00.000-08:00

It was with utter delight that I discovered a mobile pet grooming service van in my neighborhood one day. I asked them if they shave cats and they said "of course."

Taking Fatty to Petsmart has always been very taxing on him. Because 1. car rides are scary, 2. he has to be in a room with smelly dogs 3. they keep him for 3 hours.

Here is Jamie and Fatty. Jamie has a nice quiet van where Fatty gets one on one service.

Jamie carrying Fatness to her van.

Fatness was delighted that there were no dogs in the van.

She said he would be finished in 45 minutes. I loved Jamie.

45 minutes later a freshly shorn Fatts was delivered to my door. He was calm and refreshed, a far cry from the hysterical mewing cat I picked up at Petsmart.

He thanked Jamie for her gentle service and bid her "good day."

And then he delightedly took his place in the sun for his morning nap.

Quick Bathroom Refresh

2011-03-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

After finishing my guest room, I noticed my guest bathroom needed some help. I really hadn't touched it since we moved in 9 years ago.

I wanted to freshen it up with green and white. Here is the only before picture I have. Golds, oranges and a yawn daisy print for good measure.

I turned to Home Goods for help. The first thing I picked out was the flower print and fell in love with these towels.

Found this white tray in the kitchen area and added that glass flower I had been eyeing forever and the apothecary jar I already had.

Found these flowers and vase at Michaels, I'm not usually a fan of silk flowers but these peonies almost look real.

Every bathroom needs at least one mossy mushroom, my stepson said it looked "magical."

My bathroom was missing one important element.

The final product.

Cat Cafe

2011-02-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

"The staff also tries to enhance the experience by strapping 'cat hats' on their heads or showing cat tricks."

Here is just another example of why Asians are brilliant and we are dumb. For a mere $10 you get 15 minutes and a choice of 14 felines to play with. They only ask that you remove your shoes and wash your hands.

Oh Cat Cafe with your kitty inspired area rugs, how I love thee.

Who would like to join me in financing one of these cafes?

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-13T16:16:00.000-08:00

Guest Room

2011-02-08T10:05:00.000-08:00

My sister is coming to visit in a few weeks which inspired me to make Griffin's stinky boy's room into a guest room. It also helped me convince Tim why we needed a new mattress for said guest room. I enlisted the help of my uber talented daughter Erica for a Saturday of shopping.

Here is the room before. Dark with sporadic unmatching bed linens. What you aren't seeing is the dresser from 1988, rock posters and smashed gum in the carpet.

First we moved everything out of the room which made the holes in the wall much more apparent. Erica began spackling and I went in search of the paint. We started retouching the walls when we realized we were using the wrong paint because we are geniuses. Erica said we should "just repaint the entire room" and I said "I don't want to." In the end I found another can of paint hidden in my garage and we repainted the entire room in 2 hours because Erica gets shit done.

We started our journey (I've been watching too much Bachelor) looking for an inspiration piece and fell in love with this pillow from TJ Maxx. Behind it, I found great European pillows with white texturey (not a word) shams from Macys. The light blue pillows were on sale for $8 each.

For orange and green we found these cute things at Home Goods, or as I like to call that store "The Peoria Temple."

Added a sprinkle of blues and one brass kitten.

I'm always a sucker for anything with white shiny lacquer paint.

Hanging drapes from the ceiling makes your wall and window look higher, or so says HGTV.

We fell in love with these gold flower hooks and flower plate, we bought these because Erica said "I needed depth in the room" because she is brilliant. The gold frame was mine as was the blue paper, gold is making a comeback! My entire house will be in vogue again.

Cute right?

The guest room is complete.

Someone is a Genius

2011-01-31T14:51:00.000-08:00

I was only half watching/ listening to the Today Show at work this morning when something stopped me mid type. The editor from Food & Wine Magazine was displaying her newest food trends, when she held up "Chip-Zel-Pop."

"It's a mixture of potato chips, pretzels, caramel, chocolate and popcorn" and that's when I strained my neck whipping it around to my monitor.

I give you the world's perfect menopausal snack:

I want 3 canisters immediately.

New Year Resolutions

2011-01-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

For 2011 I will:

Completely focus on my prime time tv watching, no texting.

Cut back to 3 hours of iPad time a day.

I will give JLo and that other guy a chance.

Put away my down payment for a "lifestyle lift."

Consider one of those cell phones designed for the elderly with the huge numbers.

Find more Jon Hamm fan sites.

Accept the fact that my breasts are now looking like sad dinner plates.

Come to terms with the fact that exercising was created solely to make middle aged women feel guilty, just like most religions.

Continue to wear down Tim with my arguments about why I need another DVR.

Convince myself that greasy microwave popcorn is healthy because it's a whole grain.

Hope that John Travolta and Tim McGraw will stop thinking their wigs are fooling us.

Stop my unhealthy habit of pretending I live inside a MadMen episode.

So there it is bitches, a totally achievable list. I turn half a century this year and I am slowly coming to terms with it, which is why I refuse to think about my saggy knees or my aching elbow joints.

Happy New Year.

JG

2011-01-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

Josh Groban singing the "best" tweets of Kanye West. Perfection.

iPad Love

2010-12-27T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm very good at wasting time, in fact, I would say I could win a gold medal in time wasting.

My biggest culprits?
Home Goods. Vases, framed art, area rugs, glassware, mirrors. Makes me dizzy.
DSW. Huge shoe store where I hunt for size 5.
TJ Maxx. My handbag heaven.
Periodicals. US Weekly, Vanity Fair and EW. The Godhead of magazines.

And then...I met a new man.

Hello iPad. I love thee.

He and I sit down together on the sofa, and when I finally take my eyes off of him, 4 hours have flown by. Here are the main problems:

Angry Birds.

Solitaire.

Scrabble.

It's iPad's fault.

Hollywood Virtual Makeover

2010-12-14T11:01:00.000-08:00

Maybe I found this site this morning and have spent the better part of my day playing with it. Where else can I whiten my teeth and plump my lips and where else can I put myself on the cover of InStyle Magazine as Lady Gaga.

Here are some of my results:

Kate Moss

Nicole Richie with added makeup and teeth whitener.

Sandra Bullock, maybe I should become a brunette.

Fake eyelashes, white teeth, plumper lips, this site is amazing. Now if I could just turn Tim into Hugh Jackman.

Ever wondered what I look like as Emma Stone? Wonder no more.

Happy Birthday Morgan!

2010-12-09T06:53:00.001-08:00

This is Morgan. Today is her 22nd birthday. She is beautiful, funny and smart. She loves Griffin and she loves cats.

She has dated Griffin for 5 years, she is always there for him, whether it's crying with me at the airport when he left for his year deployment or playing ridiculous video games with large weapons.

This is her cat Leroy. He likes to chase and fetch Mardi Gras beads, Tim has deemed him "the smartest cat alive."

We are blessed to have you in our lives! Happy Birthday. (This is my favorite picture of you and Griffin...Basic Training South Carolina 12-17-07)

Happy Birthday Zachito

2010-12-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

You are funny.

You are athletic.

You support Erica.

You love cats.

You love babies.

You love Erica.

You have a good heart.

I sleep well at night knowing you will always take care of her. Keep making her laugh for at least 60 more years. Love you.

A Day of Sween

2010-11-30T16:58:00.000-08:00

I picked the Sweener up early last Tuesday morning, an "L" with my name on it was awaiting me at the front door.

We began with the helicopter ride.

Followed with the "play place" where Sween ruled with 2 stuffed kittens. Here is "brown kitten" that might have been used to taunt the other children.

We took a much needed Wetzel Pretzel break.

Kritten Time. We might have spent the better part of 45 minutes playing with Burmese Siamese loverrrs.

Two carousel rides. We decided pink pony was the prettiest.

Many coins were tossed into the fountain. I told her to make a wish and then I asked her what it was, she said "for this day to last forever." My heart melted.

I love you Camille Kay!

A Sad Tale

2010-11-22T08:46:00.000-08:00

I was watering my flowers a few days ago when I noticed a big fat pigeon a few feet away from me giving me the stink eye. I tried to "shoo" him away but he wouldn't leave! Later when I told my stepson about a pigeon that wouldn't leave he told me the bird was maimed and that he liked to be held and petted.

I went back outside and took a picture of the poor thing:

The next day (feeling a leetle guilty) I went outside to give him some breadcrumbs, only I was met with this:

I guess a cat got him.

Let this be a lesson to you other trespassers.

Urban Oasis

2010-11-16T13:41:00.000-08:00

This is the apartment in New York City that Vern Yip decorated for the Urban Oasis giveaway. I am in love.

My favorite type of design is blending old with new. That Lucite side table next to the 1860 marble lion is stunning. The picture above is the New York Public Library.

The living room is neutrals with pops of reddish orange (my new favorite color). He used this theme throughout the apartment. Especially loving the aluminum side tables and 1900 wrought iron flag brace. That area rug is 100 years old and Peruvian, I wonder if Target carries it?

Over sized back wall paneling combined with those 1916 pediments makes my knees weak. Loving this bed and the spots of orange.

Black glass tile from floor to ceiling, gorgeous. Beautiful little sculpture in the window is such a perfect touch.

For the entire apartment click here.

Purr

2010-11-12T14:52:00.001-08:00

Katy Perry's new fragrance "Purr" she is such a clever girl. I want one.

Alli-Cat

2010-11-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

Thank you Allison for my MadMen header, such a nice surprise.

Check out her website Alli Cat Photography!

Don Draper says "What?"

2010-11-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

Hands down the sexiest man alive right now is Jon Hamm, don't argue with me people. Here he is as Don Draper saying his favorite word. My personal favorites are the annoyed ones, complete with furrowed brow. Chris and Caca would readily agree that we like our Don Draper pissed off, sarcastic and giving some poor sap a brow beatin'.

For Malia

2010-11-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Malia adores Fatness. She loves when I post about him and recently requested more pictures. This is for you Malia.

Fatness sleeping.

You're welcome.

Ugh

2010-10-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

This is unacceptable!

Ms. No Talent Diaz seen here with my beloved Mr. Shue. But I get it, Justin Timbers dropped her skinny arse and Matthew Morrison is the next best thing--basically a grown up Justin T.--

Matthew for the love of Glee, you are better than this.

Party Full of Krittens

2010-10-26T08:22:00.001-07:00

This year I asked that everyone come as a cat or a version of a cat, I was met with no arguments. Here is a sampling:

The Purrr-manator.

The Meow-asauruses and a Utah Ute Kitty.

Hufflepurr and Kittendor

I was an Alley-cat (that is trash glued to me) or as Mike said "you look like Recycle Cat"

Chris was a very cute Hairy Potter, Sween a Fairy Cat, Abby a Black cat and her friend a Cleopatra Cat.

We played a mummy game. Object: wrap your mummy the fastest, Griffin won and became very dizzy, Zach was more concerned with making sure Erica's face was well wrapped and took his time or as he said "slow and steady wins the race" well it didn't this time.

Pumpkin carving.

Surprisingly, the one throwing up is Griffin's creation.

One very tired kitty.

Happy Halloween!

This is Halloween This is Halloween

2010-10-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

October 2 + 106 degrees = Phoenix Sucks.

The only solution is to decorate for Halloween and pretend there are crisp fall leaves outside and blustery cool breezes. Like Caca said "I try to pretend it isn't hot and then I give up."

I just use a lot of profanity and a lot of air conditioning, but either way it's my favorite time of the year.

Here are my new witches.

Erica threw this little pumpkin arrangement together for me.

Happy Haunting.

Ridic.

2010-09-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Look at this lover catching a ball, Fatness would never do this.

Random Stuff

2010-09-15T20:18:00.001-07:00

Maybe I purchased these Halloween witches in August. Now I have 4 in my collection.

This is where Fatness 'hides' when he hears thunder.

Me in the very near future.

I don't think even Jesus would "use them."

--Good day.

Awkward Family Photos

2010-09-04T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was scanning one of my favorite websites "Awkward Family Photos" when I came across one titled "The Klingers." The father in the picture looks a lot like a boy I went to high school with. Allison, help me out, is this Brett?

Wagon Wheel

2010-09-01T16:35:00.000-07:00

Erica clued me into a very funny blog that pays homage to elementary school pictures that used laser beams in the background. "We Have Lasers!"

This had me reminiscing about Erica and Griffin's horrible backgrounds. One in particular stands out. Griffin brought home his packet of backgrounds to choose from, I think there was 3. I don't remember the other 2, but there was one horrendous background of a desert scene and a huge ugly wagon wheel in the foreground.

I brought Griffin over to the table on picture day and repeated over and over, very slowly to him "WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T PICK THE WAGON WHEEL ONE." I explained to him that I wanted the nice plain background. He assured me he would as he skipped off to school in his multi-colored gecko t-shirt.

A couple of weeks later he brought his pictures home from school and proudly showed me this:

Another Cat Video

2010-08-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

Lately, all I do is post cat videos, but this one goes into my top 3. Oh how I wish Fatness would lounge in an overstuffed chair, wearing a tie and bored expression while we sing "Happy Birthday."

She's almost 26

2010-08-16T16:55:00.001-07:00

We had an early birthday celebration for one Mrs. Erica Young who will turn 26 on August 19 (that's August 19th Malia).

We began at Oregano's where we efficiently ate a wheel of pizza and a trough of salad and discussed Don Draper's moral trajectory.

Pegs and her belly sang her a few bars of "Happy Birthday"

From me she received stuff from Target.

Aunt Chris made her some very cute runners and won the prize for best card.

The Sween provided us with a fashion show of mainly leotards and kitten heels.

And Caca ate plenty of Texas Sheet Cake baked with loving hands by her Aunt Chris.

Happy Birthday sweet daughter. You are talented and beautiful and amaze me in so many ways, but what I love most about you is your sweetness. I'm so very lucky to be your Mom.

Slow Mo Thursday

2010-08-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a Slo Mo Maru just in time for a very slow Thursday. My posse and I have deemed Maru the "Perfect Cat." Please watch at least until the 1:13 mark, he never disappoints.

A Star is Not Reborn

2010-08-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

This morning I was happily cruising through my favorite websites, thinking of my vacation that begins today and how I need to get my coffee brewing when I came across a picture that rattled every nerve in my body. What the hell is Jennifer-can't-act-Aniston doing pretending to be my beloved Barbra Streisand! This is like taking a dozen paper white roses and putting them in a vase of mud.

Barbra Streisand is the epitome of an iconic movie star, Jennifer Aniston is a pathetic no talent hack, that has done nothing but crappy romantic comedies. Oh wait she's good at making out with John Mayer and crying on Courtney Cox's shoulder over Brad Pitt leaving her shallow ass for the beautiful humanitarian Angie.

How dare Bazaar Magazine ruin their pages with this travesty. If you can stomach them, the rest of the photo shoot is here.

Catception

2010-07-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

The marriage of cats and "Inception" is the moment we've all been waiting for.

Set Your DVR's

2010-07-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

Obama will be on "The View" Thursday morning. This will be the first time a sitting U.S. president has visited a daytime talk show.

I hope Elisabeth Hasselbeck doesn't spit in his face.

Fatt

2010-07-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

Griffin and I were bored last night, so naturally I suggested we measure Fatness. He measures in at 30" from ear tip to back paw.

LOL's

2010-07-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

From Awkward Family Photos:

From Cute Overload:

From Caca:

Summer Recap

2010-07-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

Not even halfway through this stinky hot summer and I've started my summer doldrums early.

Thus far:

I've decided caftans will be my new look.

MadMen should begin its new season now. Not July 25. (If I could put Don Draper in a blender I would drink him like a milkshake).

Robert Pattinson pictures are helping ease my despondency.

How is your summer thus far?

Eclipse Thoughts

2010-07-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

1. The Wolves were still chubby, Erica still hid her eyes.
2. An ice cube has more facial expression than Jasper.
3. Edward was hunklicious. (Chris kept moaning the entire movie)
4. The new Victoria held her own.
5. The climatic kiss between Bella/Jacob was anti-climatic.
6. Carlisle was using a weird affected accent in all of his scenes.
7. Edward was licklicious.
8. Someone please tell Dakota Fanning she can't do "Volturi."
9. The make-out scene was good.
10. Edward had a lot of dreamy close ups. "Look at his JAW." --Erica Young.

Eclipse Premier

2010-06-28T16:02:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow evening we will be seeing an early viewing of the highly anticipated "Eclipse."

Caca has already worked herself into a lather about whether the Werewolves and their flabby bellies/non-existent muscles will make another showing. She covers her eyes during any shirtless scene.

I would be happy if they could just get Jasper's hair right. Here he is looking like Natalie Portman.

I would even be happier if they just would have chosen an actor with natural blonde hair for Carlisle. This looks like an ad for Lady Clairol.

Maybe I have spent many hours in conversation discussing the bad wigs and hair color with Erica and Chris.

Pan-Dogs

2010-06-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Asians are Gods, who else would paint their Chows as Pandas?

Photo Bomb

2010-06-21T18:54:00.001-07:00

Grandma style.

Sea World

2010-06-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

I prefer Sea World to Disneyland for 2 reasons, it's not crowded and I can feed the barking seals.

Here I am right after a seagull had taken out part of my skull trying to get my fish. A very loud impatient seal was waiting for his snack.

A very brave kitten getting ready to jump into the arms of his trainer, I don't think Fatness would do this.

Yet another brave kritten.

Look at his paws!

These 2 delightful children would not move, they were completely hogging the dolphin interaction. The dolphins were swimming right up to their hands and allowing them to rub their noses. I was very frustrated.

By the time those children moved, the dolphins were no longer interested. I flicked my fingers for several minutes trying to make them come to me. They just kept shooting by, taunting me.

Don't waste your time with the highly advertised show "Blue Horizons" this set is more interesting than the show which consists of a few dolphins waving their fins and a lot of high wire acrobatics in bad costumes.

I always enjoy the tide pools, right up until I turn over the starfish.

Tim wasn't too thrilled that I dragged him into the aquariums, probably because it was filled with hideous fish.

Shamu was in fine form. I was disappointed that the trainers do not swim with the killer whales anymore, for obvious reasons. They do a lot of standing next to them though.

We returned to my car with this seagull on my roof.

San Diego was beautiful as always and we had a very relaxing time...right up until the 5.7 earthquake that rocked our 11th story hotel room. Glad it happened at the end of our vacation because I made Tim drive us home that night.

The Coop

2010-05-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

Typically Erica and I on any given afternoon are discussing nuclear fission or macrobiotics but on this particular day we were discussing a movie star, weird, I know. Bradly lover Cooper:

Here is a portion of that intelligent conversation:

ericayoung08@gmail.com:
I've moved on. It's all about bradley cooper now. did you see him with his shirt off in his new trailer
A-Team
me: good lord above
ericayoung08@gmail.com: lol
me: it went by way too fast
ericayoung08@gmail.com: i know! I was like can I get a pause
me: all wasted on squinty eyes too
ericayoung08@gmail.com:ugh
they'll break up
me: yes
she's all "I'm shopping with your mother"
ericayoung08@gmail.com:and bradley cooper is funny. i saw him on Chelsea Handler
he was hilarious
me: he is HIGH-larious, he is basically the perfect male
I love him
ericayoung08@gmail.com:me too. he is short though
but that's okay
me: he is?? are you sure
ericayoung08@gmail.com:he's not much taller than renee
me: that's not true!
ericayoung08@gmail.com: i'll look it up
me: yes please do
ericayoung08@gmail.com: oh he's 6'1" !
me: see!!
ericayoung08@gmail.com:why did i think he was short
well hello bradley.
me: I have no idea
remember him in that black suit in the hotel room?
ericayoung08@gmail.com: oh yes.
he's 35
me: he is love
so gorgeous
ericayoung08@gmail.com:Bradley Cooper graduated from the Honors English program at Georgetown University in 1997
me: WHAT? I can't take this...stop
and smart
ericayoung08@gmail.com: lol it gets better and better
he speaks french fluently!
according to IMDB
me: Well IMDB is a good source
ericayoung08@gmail.com:alrigh i'm outta here. i got distracted by bradley trivia
Sent at 4:50 PM on Monday

Profiles

2010-05-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

Caca requested new pictures of Fatness.

BACK

RIGHT SIDE

TOP

LEFT SIDE

FRONT

Puss in Boots

2010-05-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

There is only one reason I will be seeing "Shrek Forever After" and his name is Puss in Boots, he has gained a bit of weight in this installment. I might have watched this video 5 times, laughing heartily every time. Caca, Chris are you in?

Dreaded Cupboard

2010-04-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning I organized my junk cupboard area. I am very slowly moving through all the cupboards in my house.

Here is the before:

After:

Before:

After:

Extra photos are in a decorative box, as are receipts and picture CD's. All envelopes and stamps are in one place. I filled a garbage can of shred papers and found a key I had been trying to find for 5 years.

Ahhh.

Tuesday Gaga

2010-04-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

I love Lady Gaga, in fact I have worn out the CD Mike Redford burned for me.

University of Oregon's "premiere" male a capella group do Lady Gaga. They sing a medley of songs, all with silly choreography.

Sloth-ful

2010-04-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Another amazing header by one Ms. Allicat Hays. She could probably make these in her sleep she is so talented.

I probably should discuss Bill 1070 that was just signed into law by our Governor yesterday, but I don't feel like it.

I have been rather slothful of late. If I could I would wear my "house pants" all day long, watch HGTV, read horrible pop culture magazines, eat macaroni & cheese and write love emails to Jon Stewart. Wait, I already do 3 or more of those.

More often than not I find myself perusing TJ Maxx buying ridiculous things like another purse I don't need or pajamas teetering towards grandma wear. I haven't brushed Fatness in weeks or made my bed properly in a month. The other night I prepared onion dip for dinner.

I have really considered the need to begin exercising, but I just can't squeeze it in with all the pretend harvesting and pretend food serving I need to do in Farmville and Restaurant City. I even went so far as getting my old transcripts from BYU to see how many more hours I needed to graduate, not many as it turned out. But when I discovered I needed 16 hours of Spanish to graduate I said "eff that".

So I will continue my path of slothfulness. Making sure my Netflix list is updated, my DVR is set correctly, my US Magazine is read promptly and my addiction to Hot Tamales stays on course.

My only goals right now are to watch the new "Friday Night Lights" episodes and count off the days until "Mad Men" starts.

Anyone else being a sloth?

Happy Tuesday

2010-04-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Enjoy.

My beautiful.

Orchid Tree.

Stuff

2010-04-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

Ridic Bichon.

A duck that showed up in my pool.

Fatness standing in a chiminea.

A giant kritten.

Bun photobomb.

Bad Romance

2010-04-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

(I love this kid, and his pajamas)

Summer Shearing

2010-04-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

Fatness was

thrilled

to get his

summer cut.

Spring

2010-03-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

Phoenix is beautiful right now, three months from now not so much but right now my grass is green and happy.

My geraniums are very pink. They are tired of Erica kicking them every time she walks by. "Why don't my flowers look like yours?" she screams at their poor pink heads.

Mr. Palm tree always looks this regal, he doesn't mind summer. I love looking up at him.

Very happy potted plants. Geraniums and Pansies. I love my pool in the spring because it's easy to keep clean, which really means I never actually clean it.

My very favorite thing are these sweet fellows, orange blossoms. They have popped open since I took this picture and their scent is amazing, especially in the evenings.

I hope you all are enjoying Spring.

More Birthday

2010-03-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

On Saturday my posse arrived at my house loaded down with gifts, a cake and a Hello Kitty balloon, yes it was my post birthday celebration.

There was lunch and shopping.

..and a lot of laughing and a lot of important discussions about R. Pattinson's hair. Then we watched "New Moon" and yelled at the tv whenever the scrawny wolves and their pot bellies and lack of muscle showed themselves. Erica covered her eyes during the 'eating muffins scene' she couldn't take it.

Thanks girlies for a perfect Saturday.

You spoil me and I love you for it.

Good Caturday

2010-03-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

53

2010-03-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my sweety today. I love him for so many reasons:

He is handsome, smart, dedicated.

He still has very nice muscles.

He let's my feline fetish flourish.

He is a great leader to his 320 police officers.

He is a great dad.

He spoils me.

He lets Fatness sit on his lap.

...and no one can pull off white athletic socks and slippers like he can. Seksi.

Important things

2010-03-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Griffin and I were sitting around the other day discussing important things like how I wish he would try and send me more materials for my French Maison I'm trying to build in Farmville and how my Restaurant in Restaurant City kicks his Restaurant's ass, when the topic turned to Kritten's as it often does.

We both lamented the fact that we couldn't grow a Kritten Tree in our backyard, full of mewing newborn kitties that we could pluck off the tree at will. Then I made the mistake of saying "I wish JK Rowling would have infused a Kritten Tree in one of the Harry Potter books" when Griffin looked at me with distaste and said "she would never have done that." But we still both agreed we wanted a tree just the same.

Today I asked my favorite artist if she could at least do a rendering of my kitty tree, and without hesitation she did.

Caca's Kritten Tree:

I love you Russ

2010-03-11T15:17:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I love epic period films so much but I do. This particular one--"Robin Hood"-- is starring Russell Crowe which makes it even more delish. Yes, this movie has all the qualities that I insist on in my period epics:

Good guy: Russ
Fair maiden: Cate Blanchett
Crazed bad guy with obligatory dark hair and beard.
CGI long shot of boats in harbor.
Russell whispering many of his lines.
Steam emanating from the ground.
Said fair maiden at first hating good guy then giving it up for good guy.
Horses running along beach.
Dirty hairy men wearing armour, adorned with sweat and grit.

I will expect nothing less from Russ than over the top speeches, mixed with a lot of frowning and heroic horse riding and crazy arrow slinging. Then after a hard day's work of making a fool out of the crazed bad guy he will return to feisty Cate who will fill him full of tender lovin and a lot of sweet metaphors. I can't wait!

...and God created Christina

2010-03-09T07:59:00.000-08:00

My husband, my son-in-law and my brother-in-law speak for all men when they say "this is what a woman should look like." My brother-in-law Mike has been known to sprint across a room almost spraining an ankle to view a picture of her in one of my movie magazines. Erica says that Zach takes on an almost holy reverential stare while watching Christina prance across a room in "Mad Men." My husband would simply like to die of suffocation.

Many a kitchen discussion has began with "they can't be real" voiced by the women, followed with an almost shouting sweaty fervent "oh their REAL" from the men.

Men don't mind a little curve and some flesh. Behold Christina.

Happy Caturday Featuring Nosey

2010-03-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

Cat in the Hat

2010-03-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite cat video to date. I love him at the 1:21 mark, RIDICULOUS.

Sween is 4

2010-03-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

The Sween turned 4. There was a party and with that party came many conflicting emotions.

Griffin and Morgan's present was her favorite.

Chris's present was her least favorite, a Sally Doll from "Nightmare Before Christmas" the Sween said her hair was the wrong color and promptly threw it aside.

She refused to wear the Mermaid Skirt I gave her, so I used child psychology on her and asked her friend to wear it, Sween didn't like that at all.

There was a castle pinata...that wouldn't break.

We sang and she blew out the candles on her Tinkerbell cake.

Fatness even made her a card (she wasn't impressed)

We love you Camille

A Thursday Timeline

2010-02-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

6:30AM Made some hot chocolate and harvested my crops and fed my employees because the real world exists on the Internet.

8:30AM Insisted Erica finish our online Scrabble game where I kicked her ass.

9:30AM Watched a Netflix movie "Coco Chanel."

12:30PM Made Tim take me to lunch and take me to Wal-Mart, I told him he had done homework long enough.

1:30PM Watched The Amazing Race on my DVR.

2:30PM Insisted Erica start a new online Scrabble game, where she kicked my ass and gloated for 2 hours about it.

5:00PM Fed my Restaurant City employees again and watched Maru videos.

The remainder of my evening will be spent watching the Olympics and pretending my day was filled with vastly important tasks.

Utah

2010-02-23T13:17:00.000-08:00

The main purpose of our visit was to see my Mom. She is in a rehab center which she loves, mainly because she gets a lot of attention from very handsome young men, I wouldn't want to leave either. My sister Jeri and my niece Cyd are taking very good care of her.

Tim is famous for centering pictures and not including a lot of wall.

We did some sight seeing too. We had one sunny day to walk around Temple Square...

and take photos with creepy Brigham Young mannequins. Tim said he felt compelled to take on another wife.

I insisted my picture be taken in front of my old work place, back then it was called First Security Bank and I was dating a co worker who was gay. How should I know he was gay?! So what if he dressed up as Judy Garland at Halloween and made ruby slippers to wear and decorated his apartment tastefully, give me a break.

Tim wanted to see the State Capital which is quite awesome.

Our hotel was very cute, here is the lobby. They offered hot cider and chocolate each evening.

(Time for a kritten picture) This is Teddy, he is a loverrrr.

Tim has a thing for Brigham Young.

The sweet sister missionaries almost had Timothy converted, maybe next time ladies.

Happy Heart Day

2010-02-12T17:44:00.001-08:00

Kiss someone you love this weekend.

Thoughts on St. Valentines Day

2010-02-04T13:17:00.001-08:00

Men hate Valentines Day. They know it is essentially our day and comes with a lot of expectations and this scares the ghost-shit out of them. We expect them to handle the sacred day the way we would, something planned a week in advance, a well written card, maybe a dinner reservation and some dark red roses, maybe flowers delivered to work. Point is, February 14th is an important day to most of us and most of us expect something handed to us on that DAY.

The truth is they have no idea the day even exists until we make a few hints and then they panic.

Case in point:

One year on Valentines Day I woke up to no card, no flowers not even any of those awful heart candies. As I handed Tim his card and beautifully wrapped gifts the look on his face would have sent shivers down the spine of Stephen King. He began to apologize and back peddle, I assured him that "it was fine" using my best soothing mature voice. Later I was standing at the sink doing dishes trying to tell myself Valentines is stupid anyway, when I started to cry. Tim dragged his eyes up from the Discovery Channel to ask me what was wrong, through blubbers and tears I said "well, you have never forgotten Valentines Day before and it just makes me so sad."

He suddenly left the house and returned bearing gifts of chocolates, flowers and a stuffed bear that sang. I thought I might feel guilty for making him feel bad.

No guilt whatsoever.

My Talented Friend

2010-02-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

Thank you Allicat for my beautiful header, featuring Fatness.

"Welcome To Canada"

2010-02-02T17:31:00.000-08:00

I watched this video at least 10 times and laughed very loud each time. Don't worry he didn't get hit by a car. Listen closely, at the end he is saying "take it, take it" lol.

I Spy

2010-02-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

If you need a good laugh on this fine Tuesday morning, please watch the video below. A brilliant man has edited in a voice for his cat. It is perfectly done and quite hilarious.

Things I Never Purchase

2010-01-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

I'm flying to Salt Lake on February 13th where it will be freezing, so I took stock of my outerwear. I have one leather coat bought for me by an old boyfriend around 1992 and a thin leather jacket with loose buttons and a too small green windbreaker given to me by my niece, so it was with great fear and trepidation that I set out to Macy's to purchase a winter coat.

First I emailed my personal wardrobe consultant Erica who told me pea coats, the color red and plum are in style. Erica can't understand why shopping for clothes for me is like cleaning greasy tile grout, she with her size 2, 5'7" frame that she could hang a pillow case on, accessorize it and skip out to work looking put together. She has never dealt with 5 feet of curves, odd angled cellulite, a missing waist and where the tri-mirror is your mortal enemy.

Here is what I ended up with.

A beautiful 'red' wool coat by Anne Klein for $79.00, regular price $260.00. Ignore the eternal celestial room mirrors banking me.

I wasn't sure about this black and white light weight coat on sale for $22.00.

I sent the above pictures to Erica who gave her stamp of approval.

I hate shopping.

Things That Confound Me Part II

2010-01-26T06:58:00.001-08:00

Why can't Americans embrace kritten love like the brilliant Japanese do.

Why did I wear my older sister's hand-me-down bridesmaid dresses to every prom I ever attended, and considered myself in the height of fashion?

Why does Tim pretend to hate "The Bachelor" but is front and center every Monday night, soaking in every minute, and making comments like "I don't like Ella, she has a big zit on the side of her face."

Why do co-workers say things like "wow, you sure look tired today" and think it isn't really saying "wow you sure look like a shit-storm today."

At what point in my life did I decide wearing granny underwear with the high waist-bands look good.

Why does Erica get talent, brains and long legs too.

Why does "Jersey Shore" even exist.

Why did my Mother ever think this hair-do was a good idea.

State of the Union

2010-01-24T17:53:00.000-08:00

Weather update:

It has been raining for 40 days and 40 nights, well 5 days, but in Phoenix it might as well be 40. It. has. been. wonderful. Here is my backyard after 48 hours of rain.

Fatness update:
Fatness hasn't had one of his seizures in almost 3 years, except for today, when he had a horrible one this afternoon. Remember him in your prayers please.

Weight update:
I'm on schedule to continue gaining weight at the rate of 3 lbs a month. Will continue my diet of Hot Tamales and Pop Tarts, followed with a vending machine chaser. Legs still look like Vienna Sausages.

TV update:
Still pining for Jon Hamm, but looking forward to "Lost." Annoyed with Ping Pong on "Project Runway." Embarrassed to admit watching way too much of "Housewives of Orange County."

Obama update:
Still love him. Still hate Palin, Beck and Fox News in general.

Religion update:

Still enjoying Sunday's off and just another day to catch up on my DVR recordings.

Sweener update:
Still holding title of "Cutest 3 year old on the planet."

Tim update:
Continues to kick ass and hunt down illegal Mexicans.

2010 Goals update:
Start exercising: Nope
Improve my listening skills --not just nodding my head up & down: Nope
Read something other than US Magazine: Nope
Spend less time on Farmville: Nope

Spend less time on Restaurantville: Nope

Be less bitchy at work: Nope

Address my addiction to buying candles: Nope

Consider yourself completely briefed on my life.

Victoria

2010-01-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

Movie Review: "The Young Victoria"

I love period movies, and luckily so does Tim, so it was with great satisfaction that it was Tim's suggestion we see this luscious movie yesterday.

It begins with her as a young child where she was basically sequestered from the world and was very lonely. Her mother was behind this over protection, even not letting her walk upstairs or downstairs alone, always holding the hand of an adult. She also made Victoria sleep in her bedroom with her. Consequently, this relationship is very strained and when she becomes queen doesn't have much to do with her mother.

When she turns 18 they begin to try to force her to sign a document, which essentially would have meant her giving up the throne, she wouldn't do it. She becomes queen when her Uncle dies.

It is a beautiful movie. Emily Blunt is as usual perfection. The movie's main focus is how she comes to marry her beloved Albert and their very sweet courtship. Her costumes are gorgeous, and of course the English countryside.

She was the longest reigning Monarch, living until 81 years.

Go see it!

The Griff

2010-01-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

He is finally home after spending a long year in Germany as an Army Medic.

His sister patiently waiting for a glimpse.

His girlfriend not so patiently waiting.

We missed you Griffin.

It's nice to see your dog tags at home again.

Evil Stuffed Animals

2010-01-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

My dad gave my mom a huge stuffed tiger, that she adored. Cute you say? This tiger has terrorized all of us for years, it has always been perched in their condo guestroom on the bed. Every time I walked in there I would brace myself for the sinister eyes that would follow me.

Griffin stuffed it in the closet whenever he spent the night, I have been known to cover its head up with a towel. Erica didn't want to go near it. We begged my mom to just get rid of it.

During the packing up of my mom's condo last week, Chris made me take it home "put it on Griff's bed to welcome him home," she said with an evil glint in her eye. The tiger is now on Griffin's bed looking very unsettling. Every time I walk by Griffin's room the damn thing is staring at me, the other night when the lights were out and I walked by his room I could see the outline of his head and I about wet my pants.

I tried stuffing him in the closet, but even in there he terrifies me.

There should be a law against making sinister stuffed animals, they should call it the "Winnie The Pooh Law."

This is what I imagine the tiger does to the dimwitted Winnie when no one is home.

Anyone want a stuffed tiger?

Stuff that happened today.

2010-01-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

I don't like when Fatness gets really hairy, especially when he gets really hairy and wants to sleep on my nice living room sofa. So I devised a plan to keep him away from it. Kritten's hate the smell of citrus, so I peeled an orange and placed the peels along the top of my sofa as a repellent for Fatness. This afternoon this is what I saw.

Fatness was all "whatever bitch."

The highlight of my day was going to Home Depot with Sween and Chris. As we were pulling up into the parking lot Sween started yelling about some little car that she wanted to ride in. We had no idea what she meant until we saw the car-t. She was giggling and squirming with excitement when I lifted her in.

She is such a loves.

Happy Caturday

2010-01-09T05:38:00.001-08:00

For your viewing pleasure a few photobombs.

Good-day.

Happy 2010

2010-01-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve was wonderful, wonderful because Chris had it at her house and even baked a Christmas ham. Here is her beautiful tablescape

The Sween

We played the White Elephant Yankee Swap game, luckily we went home with the gourd wearing a crocheted cap.

Erica happily 'thought' she got the Snuggie...

but instead went home with a roadkill pillow.

Thanks for hosting Christmas Eve.

New Years Eve was great too, Erica hosted. We played Wii

Watched "Up"

Took some pretty pictures,

and laughed with good friends.

I'm really just glad the holidays are over. I have no New Year's resolution's except to laugh more and worry less.

Lidia

2009-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

Nearly 4 years ago, a sponsor from the organization World Vision came to speak to the congregation at our church New Life, about sponsoring a child in Africa. I told Tim I wanted to do it. I went outside to a table that was filled with pictures of children, none of them smiling. This is where I first saw Lidia, her picture had a sticker labeled "priority" which meant the family was in dire need of help. The cost was only $35.00 a month and they said I could correspond with her.

Here she is as I saw her amongst 100 other pictures.

I have received only a handful of letters from her, and no pictures. Most of the time I even forget that she is out there somewhere, except when I see the money automatically taken out of my account each month. I'm much too busy worrying about taking care of my yard, taping my shows, reading my pop culture magazines and going to work. Meanwhile her family is struggling to just find clean water and stay free of HIV/AIDS.

It was last week, that I was in full Christmas throttle. I was wrapping, buying, eating, complaining and basically swearing to myself about how hectic and frantic my life was. Tim plopped the mail down in front of me and I saw a brown envelope from Africa. It was from Lidia, thanking me for sending her family an extra $50 a few months ago and in with the letter were 2 pictures of her, she would be almost 11 now.

I looked at her little frowning face and dusty feet and just started crying, ashamed at my attitude and the abundance that surrounds me. She said in her letter her family was able to buy 2 goats, a mattress, books and pens. She was showing me these things in the pictures.

It was a good time for me to stop and take a deep breath. I have so much to be thankful for.

New Camera

2009-12-22T08:51:00.000-08:00

My 9 year old, brick like camera finally ate the dust, so Timothy bought me a new one for Christmas. Okay, it's no Allison Hays camera (hers probably-with attachments retails for 5K). I have a new Canon A2000-any-dumb shit-can-use-it camera.

Here are some of my first pictures.

Here is a homemade green corn tamale, I have eaten no less than 39 of them.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Fatty

2009-12-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

In this video you will witness something rare, Fatness acting excited. Along with his old nemesis "rug" he has a new nemesis, two Hallmark snowmen singing.

disclaimer: ignore blurry images, Fatness was going crazy during the song.

My Christmas Present

2009-12-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

Hugh sent me this pic of him, he is awaiting my visit, he misses me.

God is cruel, giving only one man on earth the body, hair, talent and voice.

"Ginger" Houses

2009-12-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was our first annual gingerbread house making contest. A contest because Caca insisted it be.

There was a lot of talkin' crap. Zach and Erica proudly exclaimed they were making their houses organically (sans glue gun), right around 5 minutes later both of their houses collapsed under their faulty plan and too much frosting.

Everyone took the house construction very seriously, Sween was mainly a rover, helping us all out with eating our candies off our houses, or "ginger houses" as she preferred to call them.

In the end, Chris & Alex won. They created a double level mansion complete with peppermint steps and a roof chair for Santa. Chris used up all the peppermints, with no apologies.

I found these 3 angels in my living room.

Trying out my new camera.

These are Erica's black boots. She all but sleeps in them.

I suggested we sing Christmas carols around the piano and received a chorus of groans. We played Catchphrase instead, the boys handed our asses to us.

Hope everyone is enjoying the crowded malls and Tiger Woods updates. Happy Holidays

Maybe 20 more good years.

2009-12-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling my mortality more than ever before, and I'm not sure why. I know it all started after the death of my Dad, as I looked down at him in his casket I thought to myself 1. That's not my Dad and 2. I hope he was happy with his life and 3. Where exactly is he right now.

Watching my Mother slowly deteriorate with age and become a widow, subsequently having to leave her home of 30+ years, has scared the holy hell out of me. I figure I have 20 good years left and by good I mean of sound mind and body.

Speaking of body, I hate how one day I will feel great and wake up the next day with what feels like arthritis in my hands. I hate how I will be minding my own business perusing the hand bags in Dillard's and my knee gives out. What is going on here? My shoulder aches at night and I get cold very easily. I woke up last night sitting straight up on the sofa, snoring, in fact a particularly loud snort is what woke me up. I used to think watching my mother in law do this was hysterical.

I don't like being called "Ma'am" by cute fresh faced young men, bagging my groceries or walking me to my table. I hate that noun so much, that I looked it up. It says: short for madam: used as a title of respect, esp for female royalty. Whatever. It means you are too old to be called "Miss" and by the way, the word "Madam" has the word "mad" in it, and that's exactly how I feel.

Here is the picture accompanying the definition:

I would call her frumpy and probably someone who enjoys "The Readers Digest" and likes preserves on her toast.

The other problem with ageing is, it only gets worse. I heard Jane Fonda say something about her 70's being the best time of her life and the best sex of her life, I say that's a load of shit. If my hands, shoulder and knees are already aching at age 48, what awaits me at 68.

My face is slowly falling down around my collar bone and my skin is getting splotchy, and I'm not sure I like being called "Grandma."

Maybe I could start exercising and taking vitamins to ward off the ageing process, or doing crossword puzzles and Sudoku so I don't get Alzheimer's. Does it really matter, I say it doesn't.

Maybe in 2010 I will have a better attitude about my body falling apart, but I will never like being called "Ma'am."

Happy Day to Zachito

2009-12-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

Zach, I thought this kritten video would be the perfect thing to honor you on this your 26th birthday.

Happy Caturday.

Let's Give Thanks

2009-12-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

Here are the highlights of my Thanksgiving:

My gravy boiled over on my stove top.

Fatness came out of my kitchen cupboard where he sleeps, just to throw up in front of everyone, then returned to the cupboard to continue his nap.

Just as I was ready to make my creamy whipped mashed potatoes, my hand-mixer broke.

How was your Thanksgiving?

New Moon

2009-11-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

My sister Chris knew someone who knew someone who somehow acquired a theatre for a pre-screening of the movie "New Moon."

Me and my bitches will be seeing the movie Thursday eve, we even get assigned seating.

I'm anticipating a mediocre film, with cringe-worthy dialogue and horrible CGI werewolf effects. It will be fabulous.

2 Reviews

2009-11-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

In honor of Veteran's Day, Tim and I watched "G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra" Tim likes anything military, I like anything involving Channing Tatum possibly removing his shirt.

The movie was utterly ridiculous and completely awful. Not even 5 seconds of a shirtless Channing lifting weights helped, nor did a Wayans brother pulling faces. Here is some commentary during the viewing:

"Since when did the military allow goatees?"

"Well that was a Star Wars rip off."

"How long is this movie?"

"Isn't that Sienna Miller wearing a wig?"

"There goes the polar ice cap."

I can assure you, our commentary was more interesting than the movie.

I read this book solely based on the fact that I saw the trailer for the movie and it will be starring Channing, Channing in swim trunks on the beach, and a lot of syrupy love.

It's about a single father raising a sort of rebellious son, who eventually joins the Army when he realizes he is a bit of a loser and going nowhere in life. He meets a very Christian girl at the beach during one of his leaves. They continue their relationship through a series of letters and short visits.

Nicholas Sparks never writes a happy ending, "The Notebook" ends with Gena Rowlands living with no memory and thinking her children are strangers and dieing on a twin bed with a man who she doesn't even realize is her husband. "Message in a Bottle" ends with Kevin Costner lost at sea and "A Walk to Remember" ends with Mandy Moore dieing at a young age but marrying right before. "Nights in Rodanthe" ends with Richard Gere dieing while getting to know his son in Africa on a mission or something, and poor Diane Lane waiting for him to come through her door but instead is greeted with the son informing her Gere died in a mudslide.

I'm done with Nicholas Sparks.

Pearls of Great Price

2009-11-09T17:43:00.000-08:00

Over the years, friends and family have given me advice periodically, some good, some bad, some that has stuck with me for many years.

I share these pearls of wisdom with you.

FATHER:
"Wear nice clothes when you go to the department stores, you get better service."

MOTHER:
"Never leave your husband for more than a few days. I never did."

LDS CHURCH INSTRUCTOR (female):
"Always wear just a touch of make-up to bed for your husband."

LDS CHURCH INSTRUCTOR (male):
"Let any final decision be made by your priesthood husband."

PAST GAY BOYFRIEND:
"Everyone should own at least 3 Judy Garland albums."

TIM:
"Most people don't know shit from Shinola, trust no one."

OLD BOYFRIEND:
"Never mix beer and wine."

CAT GROOMER:
"Give your cat space and quiet to adjust to his new cut."

And there you have it, any and all advice one will ever need to lead a happy productive, fruitful life.

I would enjoy hearing any pearls of wisdom, family and friends have bestowed upon you.